When you wish on a star...

The last couple of weeks have been crazy , filled with a lot of surprises. And for once I’m actually afraid that talking about it will get rid of all the magic of the last few weeks. Of course I have been back in reality for the last couple of days and slowly that magic has worn off and I've had to look long and hard at what I want. But in the meantime for once here is a story about someone visiting me, instead of me traveling to them!

After that fateful Christmas night it was apparent to both Mr. Arizona and I that our time together wasn’t over. As soon as I left for Los Angeles he did what any good hero would do, got himself on one of the next planes and came out to spend New Years with me. I didn’t know what to expect. I was hoping for was a fun New Years Eve fling. And just praying it wouldn't end in the complete disaster that was his last visit. But instead I somehow ended up falling in love with him. Now the trip wasn't perfect by a long shot. We of course managed to argue, have a little New Years Eve debacle, spend way too much time worrying about our families’ reaction to us, and way too much energy talking about our past (failed) relationships. But somehow in that imperfection of the weekend- there was kind of a perfect quality to it. We spent New Year’s Eve Day on the beach in Hermosa and rode bikes down to Balboa Island. Laughing and frolicking along the way, complete with hand holding and dolphins! And then continued our Los Angeles tour and spent New Year’s day hiking up in the Santa Monica Mountains and then Mimosas and brunch on the beach in Malibu at Paradise Cove. And really that’s what it was- Paradise. I think I will always remember the smile on his face as we hiked Coral Canyon. Forever cemented in my mind as our place. There was almost a magical quality as we hiked over the boulders and up the waterfalls. And I know how cheese it sounds, but it was like we found a little place of our own. Where time stands still. Where there was no one else in the world. And for the 2 hours it was just us. No problems. No distances. No airplane rides. Just Mr. Arizona and Hardt.

When he left yesterday I figured we would go back to our usual parting of the ways when either of us leaves town. We would text and chat for a bit. Slowly back away from one another until the next thing we know we haven't spoken for months until I am back in Phoenix and we begin it all again. But turns out this time I don’t want that. I have found myself missing having him around. For New Years I promised that I would finally take the bull by the horns and start living the life I want to live- So here goes- this is me just going for it. Despite all the reasons why we shouldn't. Despite all the distance between us. Despite all the past hurts we have inflicted on each other. And despite all the other people in our lives, I think we deserve a chance. A chance to see where this is going… A chance to see the possibilities. And maybe this time we might just surprise ourselves.

Total Eclipse of the Hardt

I will firmly admit that I'm a snob. I prefer Organic Food. Wear Designer Clothes. Enjoy taking a car service from the airport. Think Manolo Blanik is a God and that it's normal to pay 400 for a pair of Jimmy Choos. Champagne is my drink of choice. I refuse to go to a club if I'm not on the list. But for some reason when I go home to Arizona, that all goes out the window. Christmas night found Mr. Arizona and I at a Dive Cowboy Karaoke Bar in Scottsdale singing Bonnie Tyler at the top of our lungs and slow dancing to those 90's classic that we all are embarrassed to say we still know by heart! And the surprising thing is- I had a blast!!! Mind you I also had a lot of alcohol, but even without the drinks I think I would still have enjoyed the evening.

Of course I went to the dive bar in a black strapless dress with a pair of red fuck-me-heels. Being from LA and more importantly in this horrible entertainment industry I'm use to having to have the perfect outfit, have to wear what's appropriate, and more importantly look put together when it calls for it but also to look designer sloppy when it doesn't. And here I was in a cocktail dress in a dive bar! Now if that happened in LA people would look at me like I was crazy. Yet somehow amongst the jeans and t-shirts I fit in. While waiting in line for the women's restroom the women in front and behind me started talking to me about my dress. So much that the woman behind me told me she couldn't stand next to me anymore because it made her wish she had dressed a little better. Now I just laughed at this because in LA that same woman would have tried to make me be the one to feel horrible about dressing up. Though in my defense I was just wearing what I had worn to Christmas dinner! But it was in the moment when I thought what the hell am I doing in LA?

I learned a lot of things this Christmas. It turns out you can take the girl out of the city and the city out of the girl! Because I spent that Christmas Night enjoying all the dive bar had to offer. Good music, good (and some really horrible) singers, a couple of slow songs to dance to, a lot of laughs, and some great company in the form of Mr. Arizona. What more could you want from Santa?!

Does Great Passion Become Love... or Disaster?

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart."
Meet Joe Black

Over the past year I have slowly learned that the passion and fire I once craved has turned into my greatest blind spot. I have always had tumultuous relationships. And I thought that the great passion that I had with these men meant that I was embarking on a great love affair. Just when I began to realize the fallacy of that statement it seemed as if a miracle had happened and Mr. Wyoming and I got back together earlier this year. Our tumultuous past had disappeared with all the months that had past. Instead of our constant fighting we got along smoothly. No arguing. No disagreements. No fireballs of problems. Though with the end of our fighting came the end of our passion. You know the kind where you can't see enough of each other and after a moment together you are tearing each other’s clothes. Usually that’s the kind of relationship that I care, and more often than not I get it. But this time around what I craved was that breakfast in bed and that movie together on a rainy night. With this change I start to think well then maybe this is love. Except that I’ve found I do need some of that passion. And I finally let him walk out of my life for good (ok know I’ve said this over and over, but I always MEAN it when I say it and I do mean it, again). I even thought it was kind of ironic that as he left my bedroom last week - Goodbye my lover was playing on my stereo. It seems like even James Blunt knew it was time for us to finally end!

But now I find myself at a crossroads. I’ve been hanging out a lot with Mr. My Harry. Even been toying with the idea of trying to convince him to give us that shot that we never had. With him I also don’t have that passion! But he’s someone that I love. And what more can you want than to be dating one of your best friends. But turns out you do need a little of that passion to make it work. And sadly it looks like we really are destined to just be friends.

But the real news of the week is that I have gone through a full circle and once accepted a date with Mr. Arizona. I will be going home to Arizona for Christmas and with those trips it always brings me back to him. And with him we still have the fire (we seem to argue every time we talk!) but the question is do we have anything besides that. I still don’t know if I can get over what happened in the beginning of last year. He’s been trying really hard to make me believe he’s sorry. But I’m worried that that is all it is. Just him making me believe VS him actually being sorry. Our fire has always equals great sex, but sex does not a relationship make. Why can't I have that fire and passion but also that loving stable relationship? It seems that passion only leads to a fireball of disasters, at least in my experience. But at the same time stable relationships usually just slowly fizzle out. Is there something in-between or is that just the myth that we single woman choose to believe? And at what point do we need to start to settle? At 27? At 30? At 40?

Does Great Passion Become Love... or Disaster?

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart."
Meet Joe Black

Over the past year I have slowly learned that the passion and fire I once craved has turned into my greatest blind spot. I have always had tumultuous relationships. And I thought that the great passion that I had with these men meant that I was embarking on a great love affair. Just when I began to realize the fallacy of that statement it seemed as if a miracle had happened and Mr. Wyoming and I got back together earlier this year. Our tumultuous past had disappeared with all the months that had past. Instead of our constant fighting we got along smoothly. No arguing. No disagreements. No fireballs of problems. Though with the end of our fighting came the end of our passion. You know the kind where you can't see enough of each other and after a moment together you are tearing each other’s clothes. Usually that’s the kind of relationship that I care, and more often than not I get it. But this time around what I craved was that breakfast in bed and that movie together on a rainy night. With this change I start to think well then maybe this is love. Except that I’ve found I do need some of that passion. And I finally let him walk out of my life for good (ok know I’ve said this over and over, but I always MEAN it when I say it and I do mean it, again). I even thought it was kind of ironic that as he left my bedroom last week - Goodbye my lover was playing on my stereo. It seems like even James Blunt knew it was time for us to finally end!

But now I find myself at a crossroads. I’ve been hanging out a lot with Mr. My Harry. Even been toying with the idea of trying to convince him to give us that shot that we never had. With him I also don’t have that passion! But he’s someone that I love. And what more can you want than to be dating one of your best friends. But turns out you do need a little of that passion to make it work. And sadly it looks like we really are destined to just be friends.

But the real news of the week is that I have gone through a full circle and once accepted a date with Mr. Arizona. I will be going home to Arizona for Christmas and with those trips it always brings me back to him. And with him we still have the fire (we seem to argue every time we talk!) but the question is do we have anything besides that. I still don’t know if I can get over what happened in the beginning of last year. He’s been trying really hard to make me believe he’s sorry. But I’m worried that that is all it is. Just him making me believe VS him actually being sorry. Our fire has always equals great sex, but sex does not a relationship make. Why can't I have that fire and passion but also that loving stable relationship? It seems that passion only leads to a fireball of disasters, at least in my experience. But at the same time stable relationships usually just slowly fizzle out. Is there something in-between or is that just the myth that we single woman choose to believe? And at what point do we need to start to settle? At 27? At 30? At 40? And as much as I like to think I’m not, does giving these men all these second and third chances mean that I really am already settling?

Do these people really exist?!

Thanksgiving once again brought another trip home to Arizona… oddly enough it wasn’t the standby travel getting there that got to me, it was the Zonies- and more importantly the Zonies looking for a deal! This week I ended up on a search for a new laptop… Turns out my computer had multiple problems with it although I wouldn't have known since I blew something and it refused to turn on anymore!!! So my father had the bright idea for us to pick one up on Black Friday… Now most of you might not know what black Friday is... and that's a very good thing!!! Black Friday is what the retail industry refers to as the day after Thanksgiving. The stores open super early- Circuit City was one of the first to open at 5:00am. Now when my father suggested us getting there early- I was thinking ok at like 9, right? I guess I must have been dreaming with that late of a start time! His response was well if the store opens at 5, then we should be there no later than 4:30... I of course thought this was RIDICULOUS. But not wanting to upset my father when he was getting me a new computer, I agreed to get up at 4 so we can wait in line at the store. I was having visions of that old Mervin's commercial- OPEN OPEN OPEN...

Friday morning arrived and there wasn't a soul on the road... Ha I said to my father- looks like we are the only ones up this early to hit the electronics store. Just wait was his response to my naiveté. As we pulled into the mall parking lot- I was shocked! Not only was the parking lot full, but the line went around the building!!! And when the store opened at 5- look out! Those people went running!! I had never seen adults act like this! You would think they were giving the computers away!!! As soon as we entered the store it was Chaos! People running, and grabbing, and pushing, and shoving. Someone even pulled my poor flip flop right off my feet :(

We finally made our way to the computer section. After waiting roughly an hour in a line that seemed to be going nowhere- we were told that they were out of the computers that we were all waiting for! Out of computers!!! How is that possible!!! So we slowly exited the building with our heads down... our steps a litter slower. After the adventure of getting up early we left the store without a thing!!! Though turns out the store aren't stupid! The sale on Friday was followed by a sale on Saturday... Similar computer and at close to the same price! YAY! And that is why I am able to sit here at the Phoenix airport, waiting patiently for my flight back to phoenix, and am able to recount to all of you my shopping adventures. So lesson of the day- Sleep in the Day after Thanksgiving... because without fail there will be a similar sale the following day! And I'm going to bet another one the day after that :)

Just Pay it Forward!

Sometimes a good Samaritan or even a guardian angel really does exist. While trying to get back to Boston last weekend I was waiting for the T in this little town. Though to be honest it wasn't a real station because it really wasn't a real town. Just a bunch of houses, a country club, and a gas station. Which of course wasn't open on the weekends! So there I was- lost and trying to buy a ticket from a broken machine. When the train finally came I was told that they don't have change, so my only option was to give the driver a 20 dollar bill for my 3 dollar ticket or I could walk into the town to find change. I tried explaining to the driver that I was from out of town and had already walked around and I couldn't find change anywhere. To which the "extremely" helpful driver responded with- oh there is a parking lot "somewhere" down the road and that I could "probably" walk to it and find change! Left without much of an option I was about to hand over the 20 dollars when the guy in front of my turned around and handed him 3 dollars for my ticket. As I started to say thanks, he just smiled, waved and walked to the back of the car. So I thank that nameless guy on the train and all the other people out there that have reached out and helped me throughout my life… hopefully someday I will show that I deserved that help.

The Dancing Queens

"Maybe there won't be marriage,
Maybe there won't be sex,
But by God there'll be dancing! "
My Best Friend’s Wedding

Over the years I have tried every conceivable way to mend my broken hearts:
-I've tried staying at home and moping- turns out you can only watch The Notebook so many times before you want to slit your wrists!
-I've tried falling into bed with the first guy I see. Hint for you- if he doesn't speak English and you don’t speak Portuguese, no matter how hot he is, it's just not going to work out!
-I've tried calling up one of the numerous exs- If you want to try this one you need an ex like Mr. X- he's always either single or willing to cheat on his current girl for a good shag!
-I've tried working out like crazy- but we all know the first time we run into our ex it doesn’t matter how hot our body may look. Because without fail we will not have brushed our hair in days, our face will look have more potholes in it that the 405, and we will be wearing our last clean shirt- usually that one we bought on our last day in Cancun on spring break in 1987! Come on, you know you have that shirt.

So this time I thought I would do something a little different. So off I went to Vegas with the girls! Turns out I may have found the perfect remedy for a broken heart- 3 single girls friends, one road trip, 2 days laying in the sun at the Mandalay Bay pool, 1 night dancing at Rain, 1 bachelor party, multiple electric lemonades, some champagne, a little vodka, a few slot machines, and enough laughter to make me forget that there ever was a Mr. Baby R! All thanks to my girls- Jen, Alissa, and Laura. I may not have been my usually happy self at the beginning (or Saturday night!) but slowly my smile has returned! Watch out LA, I’m back...