Total Eclipse of the Hardt

I will firmly admit that I'm a snob. I prefer Organic Food. Wear Designer Clothes. Enjoy taking a car service from the airport. Think Manolo Blanik is a God and that it's normal to pay 400 for a pair of Jimmy Choos. Champagne is my drink of choice. I refuse to go to a club if I'm not on the list. But for some reason when I go home to Arizona, that all goes out the window. Christmas night found Mr. Arizona and I at a Dive Cowboy Karaoke Bar in Scottsdale singing Bonnie Tyler at the top of our lungs and slow dancing to those 90's classic that we all are embarrassed to say we still know by heart! And the surprising thing is- I had a blast!!! Mind you I also had a lot of alcohol, but even without the drinks I think I would still have enjoyed the evening.

Of course I went to the dive bar in a black strapless dress with a pair of red fuck-me-heels. Being from LA and more importantly in this horrible entertainment industry I'm use to having to have the perfect outfit, have to wear what's appropriate, and more importantly look put together when it calls for it but also to look designer sloppy when it doesn't. And here I was in a cocktail dress in a dive bar! Now if that happened in LA people would look at me like I was crazy. Yet somehow amongst the jeans and t-shirts I fit in. While waiting in line for the women's restroom the women in front and behind me started talking to me about my dress. So much that the woman behind me told me she couldn't stand next to me anymore because it made her wish she had dressed a little better. Now I just laughed at this because in LA that same woman would have tried to make me be the one to feel horrible about dressing up. Though in my defense I was just wearing what I had worn to Christmas dinner! But it was in the moment when I thought what the hell am I doing in LA?

I learned a lot of things this Christmas. It turns out you can take the girl out of the city and the city out of the girl! Because I spent that Christmas Night enjoying all the dive bar had to offer. Good music, good (and some really horrible) singers, a couple of slow songs to dance to, a lot of laughs, and some great company in the form of Mr. Arizona. What more could you want from Santa?!

Does Great Passion Become Love... or Disaster?

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart."
Meet Joe Black

Over the past year I have slowly learned that the passion and fire I once craved has turned into my greatest blind spot. I have always had tumultuous relationships. And I thought that the great passion that I had with these men meant that I was embarking on a great love affair. Just when I began to realize the fallacy of that statement it seemed as if a miracle had happened and Mr. Wyoming and I got back together earlier this year. Our tumultuous past had disappeared with all the months that had past. Instead of our constant fighting we got along smoothly. No arguing. No disagreements. No fireballs of problems. Though with the end of our fighting came the end of our passion. You know the kind where you can't see enough of each other and after a moment together you are tearing each other’s clothes. Usually that’s the kind of relationship that I care, and more often than not I get it. But this time around what I craved was that breakfast in bed and that movie together on a rainy night. With this change I start to think well then maybe this is love. Except that I’ve found I do need some of that passion. And I finally let him walk out of my life for good (ok know I’ve said this over and over, but I always MEAN it when I say it and I do mean it, again). I even thought it was kind of ironic that as he left my bedroom last week - Goodbye my lover was playing on my stereo. It seems like even James Blunt knew it was time for us to finally end!

But now I find myself at a crossroads. I’ve been hanging out a lot with Mr. My Harry. Even been toying with the idea of trying to convince him to give us that shot that we never had. With him I also don’t have that passion! But he’s someone that I love. And what more can you want than to be dating one of your best friends. But turns out you do need a little of that passion to make it work. And sadly it looks like we really are destined to just be friends.

But the real news of the week is that I have gone through a full circle and once accepted a date with Mr. Arizona. I will be going home to Arizona for Christmas and with those trips it always brings me back to him. And with him we still have the fire (we seem to argue every time we talk!) but the question is do we have anything besides that. I still don’t know if I can get over what happened in the beginning of last year. He’s been trying really hard to make me believe he’s sorry. But I’m worried that that is all it is. Just him making me believe VS him actually being sorry. Our fire has always equals great sex, but sex does not a relationship make. Why can't I have that fire and passion but also that loving stable relationship? It seems that passion only leads to a fireball of disasters, at least in my experience. But at the same time stable relationships usually just slowly fizzle out. Is there something in-between or is that just the myth that we single woman choose to believe? And at what point do we need to start to settle? At 27? At 30? At 40?

Does Great Passion Become Love... or Disaster?

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart."
Meet Joe Black

Over the past year I have slowly learned that the passion and fire I once craved has turned into my greatest blind spot. I have always had tumultuous relationships. And I thought that the great passion that I had with these men meant that I was embarking on a great love affair. Just when I began to realize the fallacy of that statement it seemed as if a miracle had happened and Mr. Wyoming and I got back together earlier this year. Our tumultuous past had disappeared with all the months that had past. Instead of our constant fighting we got along smoothly. No arguing. No disagreements. No fireballs of problems. Though with the end of our fighting came the end of our passion. You know the kind where you can't see enough of each other and after a moment together you are tearing each other’s clothes. Usually that’s the kind of relationship that I care, and more often than not I get it. But this time around what I craved was that breakfast in bed and that movie together on a rainy night. With this change I start to think well then maybe this is love. Except that I’ve found I do need some of that passion. And I finally let him walk out of my life for good (ok know I’ve said this over and over, but I always MEAN it when I say it and I do mean it, again). I even thought it was kind of ironic that as he left my bedroom last week - Goodbye my lover was playing on my stereo. It seems like even James Blunt knew it was time for us to finally end!

But now I find myself at a crossroads. I’ve been hanging out a lot with Mr. My Harry. Even been toying with the idea of trying to convince him to give us that shot that we never had. With him I also don’t have that passion! But he’s someone that I love. And what more can you want than to be dating one of your best friends. But turns out you do need a little of that passion to make it work. And sadly it looks like we really are destined to just be friends.

But the real news of the week is that I have gone through a full circle and once accepted a date with Mr. Arizona. I will be going home to Arizona for Christmas and with those trips it always brings me back to him. And with him we still have the fire (we seem to argue every time we talk!) but the question is do we have anything besides that. I still don’t know if I can get over what happened in the beginning of last year. He’s been trying really hard to make me believe he’s sorry. But I’m worried that that is all it is. Just him making me believe VS him actually being sorry. Our fire has always equals great sex, but sex does not a relationship make. Why can't I have that fire and passion but also that loving stable relationship? It seems that passion only leads to a fireball of disasters, at least in my experience. But at the same time stable relationships usually just slowly fizzle out. Is there something in-between or is that just the myth that we single woman choose to believe? And at what point do we need to start to settle? At 27? At 30? At 40? And as much as I like to think I’m not, does giving these men all these second and third chances mean that I really am already settling?

Do these people really exist?!

Thanksgiving once again brought another trip home to Arizona… oddly enough it wasn’t the standby travel getting there that got to me, it was the Zonies- and more importantly the Zonies looking for a deal! This week I ended up on a search for a new laptop… Turns out my computer had multiple problems with it although I wouldn't have known since I blew something and it refused to turn on anymore!!! So my father had the bright idea for us to pick one up on Black Friday… Now most of you might not know what black Friday is... and that's a very good thing!!! Black Friday is what the retail industry refers to as the day after Thanksgiving. The stores open super early- Circuit City was one of the first to open at 5:00am. Now when my father suggested us getting there early- I was thinking ok at like 9, right? I guess I must have been dreaming with that late of a start time! His response was well if the store opens at 5, then we should be there no later than 4:30... I of course thought this was RIDICULOUS. But not wanting to upset my father when he was getting me a new computer, I agreed to get up at 4 so we can wait in line at the store. I was having visions of that old Mervin's commercial- OPEN OPEN OPEN...

Friday morning arrived and there wasn't a soul on the road... Ha I said to my father- looks like we are the only ones up this early to hit the electronics store. Just wait was his response to my naiveté. As we pulled into the mall parking lot- I was shocked! Not only was the parking lot full, but the line went around the building!!! And when the store opened at 5- look out! Those people went running!! I had never seen adults act like this! You would think they were giving the computers away!!! As soon as we entered the store it was Chaos! People running, and grabbing, and pushing, and shoving. Someone even pulled my poor flip flop right off my feet :(

We finally made our way to the computer section. After waiting roughly an hour in a line that seemed to be going nowhere- we were told that they were out of the computers that we were all waiting for! Out of computers!!! How is that possible!!! So we slowly exited the building with our heads down... our steps a litter slower. After the adventure of getting up early we left the store without a thing!!! Though turns out the store aren't stupid! The sale on Friday was followed by a sale on Saturday... Similar computer and at close to the same price! YAY! And that is why I am able to sit here at the Phoenix airport, waiting patiently for my flight back to phoenix, and am able to recount to all of you my shopping adventures. So lesson of the day- Sleep in the Day after Thanksgiving... because without fail there will be a similar sale the following day! And I'm going to bet another one the day after that :)

Just Pay it Forward!

Sometimes a good Samaritan or even a guardian angel really does exist. While trying to get back to Boston last weekend I was waiting for the T in this little town. Though to be honest it wasn't a real station because it really wasn't a real town. Just a bunch of houses, a country club, and a gas station. Which of course wasn't open on the weekends! So there I was- lost and trying to buy a ticket from a broken machine. When the train finally came I was told that they don't have change, so my only option was to give the driver a 20 dollar bill for my 3 dollar ticket or I could walk into the town to find change. I tried explaining to the driver that I was from out of town and had already walked around and I couldn't find change anywhere. To which the "extremely" helpful driver responded with- oh there is a parking lot "somewhere" down the road and that I could "probably" walk to it and find change! Left without much of an option I was about to hand over the 20 dollars when the guy in front of my turned around and handed him 3 dollars for my ticket. As I started to say thanks, he just smiled, waved and walked to the back of the car. So I thank that nameless guy on the train and all the other people out there that have reached out and helped me throughout my life… hopefully someday I will show that I deserved that help.

The Dancing Queens

"Maybe there won't be marriage,
Maybe there won't be sex,
But by God there'll be dancing! "
My Best Friend’s Wedding

Over the years I have tried every conceivable way to mend my broken hearts:
-I've tried staying at home and moping- turns out you can only watch The Notebook so many times before you want to slit your wrists!
-I've tried falling into bed with the first guy I see. Hint for you- if he doesn't speak English and you don’t speak Portuguese, no matter how hot he is, it's just not going to work out!
-I've tried calling up one of the numerous exs- If you want to try this one you need an ex like Mr. X- he's always either single or willing to cheat on his current girl for a good shag!
-I've tried working out like crazy- but we all know the first time we run into our ex it doesn’t matter how hot our body may look. Because without fail we will not have brushed our hair in days, our face will look have more potholes in it that the 405, and we will be wearing our last clean shirt- usually that one we bought on our last day in Cancun on spring break in 1987! Come on, you know you have that shirt.

So this time I thought I would do something a little different. So off I went to Vegas with the girls! Turns out I may have found the perfect remedy for a broken heart- 3 single girls friends, one road trip, 2 days laying in the sun at the Mandalay Bay pool, 1 night dancing at Rain, 1 bachelor party, multiple electric lemonades, some champagne, a little vodka, a few slot machines, and enough laughter to make me forget that there ever was a Mr. Baby R! All thanks to my girls- Jen, Alissa, and Laura. I may not have been my usually happy self at the beginning (or Saturday night!) but slowly my smile has returned! Watch out LA, I’m back...
 

Planes...Trains...and Traffic!

After a week of 15 hour works days while trying to come down from a 3-day bender from the weekend before, I was looking forward to 3 days in Arizona with the family. Sleeping. Laying in the Sun. Hiking. Drinking Margaritas all day long Basically just putting the past 7 days behind me and refresh. It was a great idea, the only problem was making it out there.

I began my journey at 11 am on Friday morning It was a gray dismal rainy day in Southern California- I couldn't wait to make it to the warmth of the desert! After managing to find a great parking space at the airport, I got there with enough time to grab my usual at Starbucks- Iced Vanilla Sugar Free Latte w/ Extra Shot and made my way to the gate And then the adventure really began!

I started talking to the girl next to me while waiting for them to clear the standby seats. She could have been me- Blonde, 28, Lives a block away from me, Mom works for America West. I luckily managed to get the last seat on the plane, said my goodbyes to my new friend and boarded the play. Yay, I was finally on my way. As soon as I got on the plane and was putting my bags into the overhead compartment the stewardess came running after me! Turns out one of the paying passengers showed up at the last minute and in the blink of an eye I was back in the airport. As the gate agent checked the outgoing flights it became apparent that we weren’t getting out today. In addition to the girl that I was talking to earlier, we had been joined by a guy our age- 26. Helicopter Pilot living in Chandler, Arizona. No flights out of LA we tried Long Beach. Orange County and then, wait there is one with seats going out of Burbank in 2 hours! YAY! With plenty of time too!!! Or so we thought.

So we all took the shuttle to my car and started the trek up to Burbank.. Now I’ve been known to pick up a stranger while at a bar drinking but to do it at an airport, SOBER- now that was a first! But of course we weren’t strangers for long considering in traffic it took us 2 hours to get up to Burbank! We finally arrived at the airport and started to run as I threw my keys at the Valet Parker. You might be thinking what kind of ass Valets their car at the airport? The know of ass that only has 15 minutes to make their flight!!! So we talked our way to the front of the security line and without time to put back on our shoes literally ran barefoot through the airport to the gate and we got there just in time! They were just closing the doors! Looks like all those hours on that damn elliptical machine paid off :)

I finally made it to Phoenix an hour later. A little delayed. Tired from not eating anything but my Starbucks- although some wouldn’t consider coffee a meal! In Phoenix and with a few new friends to party with while I am in town. All in all, not a bad adventure to kick off my vacation- can’t wait to see what’s in store next!

The Curse of Baja

Meredith: My college campus has a magic statue. It’s a longstanding tradition for students to rub its nose for good luck. My freshman roommate really believed in the statue's power and insisted on visiting it to rub its nose before every exam. Studying might have been a better idea, she flunked out her sophomore year. The fact is, we all have little superstitious things we do. If it’s not believing in magic statues, it’s avoiding sidewalk cracks or always putting our left shoe on first. Knock on wood. Step on a crack, break your mothers back. The last thing we want to do is offend the gods.
Greys Anatomy

I should start by saying, yes I am superstitious. I believe in Karma. I wish on stars. I believe that the energy changes during the full moon. I don’t like to eat meat because I feel that everything has energy and once you kill something and eat it, that negative energy transfers to you. I stay away from black cats. I throw pennies into every fountain I come across. So it shouldn’t surprise you that I believe in curses. And more importantly that I found my own little curse yesterday down in Baja. But let me start at the beginning…

There is this tiny one room wooden church in Puerto Nuevo that has always fascinated me. So yesterday while passing through I decided to light a candle. Even though my faith lies more in Buddhism, my Old Catholic ways still creep in every now and then. As I went to the alter I noticed that there weren’t any matches or sticks to light the candle. I should have taken that as a sign to not light it!!! Instead I followed a friend’s advice and lit a piece of paper on fire and tried to light it that way. Now hers lit perfectly but when I came to do mine the entire paper went up in flames, I dropped it into the candle and proceeded to set the entire candle aflame! It would be bad enough that I tried to burn down a little wooden church but while this was going on I flipped out and said a few words you shouldn’t say in church- fuck and shit being among them!

And the curse began… From there we managed to get lost on the way back through Tijuana. And let me tell you there is nothing like an hour-long detour through the slums of Mexico with no idea where you are, how you got there, or how to get back to the border! By the time we finally found our way back I needed a nice cold margarita and to be in the US. But of course due to some forgotten produce (Those damn two lemons!) we got stopped at the border and had to go to the secondary inspection! While they were emptying out the car and looking for other hidden produce, my friend decided that the best way to get us out of there would be to pimp me! And no I didn’t agree to this. Shock of all shocks it worked- but he actually said: “No I don’t want her number but you guys can go now”, with a smirk on his face. At this point a red faced Hardt put her head down in shame and just prayed to be at home in her nice warm bed.

So today I’ll be searching for four leaf clovers and forgotten pennies on the ground and try and switch up my luck a little!!! After all, how long can the curse of Baja last…