Hardts Bar Etiquette

A bartender: A noun. A person who mixes drinks at a bar.

A Stripper: A noun. A person who strips or performs a striptease.

A Hooker: A noun. A prostitute.

I think the time has come to point out to people that there is a difference, a very large difference between A Bartender, A Stripper, And a Hooker. Now I know that most people would be able to see a difference right away. One being that I neither show my breasts nor have sex with my customers but somehow people have gotten confused. That being said here is my list Bar Etiquette… somehow people seem to have forgotten the basics.

-Your bartender/server/host/busboy is probably making minimum wage and relies heavily on your tips. Now I know that you say you do not get tips at your job. And that’s fine, but I’m also pretty sure you get paid more than 8-10 dollars an hour, have health insurance, paid sick days, 2 weeks vacation and don’t get harassed on an hourly basis. So here’s the thing, if you do not believe in tipping- then you shouldn’t be drinking at a bar! Generally it should be a dollar a drink. Now when you buy a beer for 3.50, it is nice if you just give the 1.50 as a tip but 1 dollar would be fine, 50 cents IS NOT acceptable. Now if you are drinking multiple rounds, keep tipping! Unless you want to give 20 dollars as your first tip it is not acceptable to think after giving your measly dollar you don’t have to tip for the rest of the evening.

-Even if your drink is free- you still have to tip. Even if think the bartender is your best friend- you still have to tip. A class act is the owners of the bar I work at- when they come in and order they still tip me every time! The thing to remember is you still have to tip. So if I hand you your change and you walk away you better bet I’m putting a voodoo curse on your cheap ass.

-If you want an evening at a strip club that’s your choice. Yet when you walk into a sports bar DO NOT EVER ask the bartender or waitress to show you their breasts. That is not acceptable EVER.

-I have a name, though I understand you not knowing it. And that’s fine. If you want my attention and feel the need to scream across the bar a simple Miss will work. Bartender, Hey You, Wench (I kid you not I got that one last night), Honey, Sexy, Sugar- none of those are proper names to call someone. It is also not acceptable to whistle or snap.

-I basically get paid to be nice to you. Sure I smile and maybe even flirt a bit-though mostly I’m thinking please remember to tip me. Don’t confuse me being nice to meaning I want to take you home with me. Remember first and foremost you might be in a bar but I am at work. Now I know some bartender have no problem using the job to pick up people, but the majority of us DO NOT USE WORK AS A DATING SERVICE. So please do not ask me if you can cook me dinner, take me out, cheer me up, take me home…

-We all have our bad days too. Some days our minds are on other things. So if we ask your order for the second time or give you the wrong drink. Just let us know politely… because yelling that this is wrong isn’t the way to go. It’s the way to get someone to spit in your drink. Now I actually would never do that (I’m a big believer in Karma) but I know many of your bartenders/waiters/servers that do!

-Almost no one that is serving you a bar or restaurant wants to be doing that for the rest of their lives. Please don’t ask oh did you go to school? Oh why aren’t you working in Film anymore? Have you though about doing (fill in the blank)? Because trust me we have. And are trying to do (fill in the blank). So please don’t make us feel any worse about it than we already do. And don’t be surprised to hear that many of us have gone to the top Universities. Yes I work in a bar. Yes I have blonde hair. No I am not stupid or dumb. So don’t treat me that way. And talking down to me will only ensure that the guy next to you will get his drink first next time.

-Don’t expect free drinks or tell me about how you use to get a free drink after you ordered free ones. Sure I know it’s nice to get a free drink but some of us are accountable for our liquor. At my bar they even count the empty bottles so at the end of the evening when I end up with more beer bottles than are paid for I have to account for that. Trust me bar managers know how much liquor is being paid for and how much is given away free. And you might be grumbling that you had to pay for all your alcohol, but hey bartenders have to worry about paying for their bills and without a job that’s next to impossible.

That being said for as many horrible customers that we have, there are three times as many really nice customers out there that make us smile and make the day seem not so bad. And despite the many complaints I have to do like bartending. It’s fun to meet all kinds of different people and hear their crazy stories. And trust me there are some CRAZY ones. And it sure as hell beats having to work in retail or sit in front of a desk all do just hating life. So just remember, while you are out there having fun there is someone working pretty damn hard to make that happen. So smile at us, be patient, and tip large!

Midgets, Wheels O Alcohol and 40’s…

I haven’t done a bar review on my other blog for a couple of months now… but the bar from last night really deserved getting a write up. First you have to know that I have a tendency to get into trouble when I get into Arizona. Mainly because Mr. Arizona and I use to party the weekends away (oh the memories!). And we had our bar (Handle Bar J’s) that we went to every time, but we also have a selection of additional bars that we would rotate in (Dirty Dogs, Dos Gringos, Sugar Daddies, Martini Ranch) so it’s not surprising that I’ve had a hard time going to those places without him. Just too many memories of the tow of us. So last night when Jamie suggested a different bar I was all for it, and boy was I glad that I did! So here is my review of naughtiest bar in Scottsdale- Giligan’s Sand Bar.

Location- 4 Shots. Just off of Scottsdale Road and located right in the middle of Old Town Scottsdale this place has a perfect location. Great for after dinner or before heading down to the road to Dos Gringos. Plus I was able to get rock star parking out front so I was very happy!

Atmosphere- 4 shots. When you first walk in it looks like any other dive bar. Until you start to look around and realize that it's all for midgets. Midget Bar. Midget Table. Midget Chairs. Even a Midget Sex Swing! There is the “shot” corner that is manned by midgets (I KID YOU NOT). There are two separate wheels, one that is just a wheel o booze and the other one that is a wheel o shots. There are two beer pong tables in the back corner. A strippers Pole. A man in an Obama Mask… oh the list goes on and on with the craziness of this bar. The only thing that was missing was a Beer Louge though I wouldn’t put it past them!

Drinks- 4 shots. Alcohol is cheap… they have multiple beer in UBER LARGE SIZE for only 7 dollars and pitchers for 7.50! Plus if you want to try the wheel o shots it’s only 3 dollars for a shot or 7 dollars for 3!!! Though watch out some of the drinks on the wheel are killers and some are just destined to make you look like an ass- for example the Toilet Plunge Drink served in an acual Toilet Bowl Plunger! Add the 99 cent Jello shots and you have all the ingredients for a really drunken fun night!

Food- 4 shots. The food was large, comforting, fattening, and cheap! If you are drunk and looking for some really damn good cheese fries than head on over! No kidding when I say that plate of fries was the size of a large TV. And with warm cheesy goodness!!!

Bartenders- 4 Shots. Although I didn’t try any mix drinks there were some attractive bartenders and I have to say they were entertaining. There was a microphone and they were yelling totally non-pc insulting things (kind of reminded me of Dicks but EXTREME)… and since I was never picked on I thought it was pretty damn funny!

All in all I have to say a pretty funny evening… and you know it was a fun night when I made quite a few drunken calls and text messages. Sorry to all of you that got the holy goodness it’s a midget ones… Thanks Jamie for a new fun place to visit when I’m in town. And next trip I plan on seeing you all out there spinning that wheel with me and the midgets!

Life of a Standby Traveler on the busiest day of the year… AKA Hardt Hates Holiday Travel

4:30am Alarm goes off
4:35am Coffee
4:45am Second Cup of Coffee
5:30am Arrive at airport. Excited because there is no line at the kiosk so I can check in right away. Insert credit card into the machine- NO RESERVATION it says. Ok, I try looking it up by last name- NO RESERVATION it says. So I proceed directly to the ticket counter. YAY a reservation, turns out my mom couldn’t spell our last name right, it was just hart.
5:45am Stand in the longest line ever for security. Outside. Smack dab in the middle of a puddle. In the rain. With no umbrella. Yea I can already tell this is going to be a great day.
6:00am Make it through security, but am the asshole in the security line that forgot my cell phone in my pocket. Hold up line. Currently everyone is loving me!
6:30am First oversold flight takes off without me. Not a seat to be had… and of course all the monitors are out so I have to trek back through security to find out where my next gate is.
8:00am Third oversold flight of the day takes off, yea you can see a pattern here. Though have been enjoying watching all the angry people at the airport. Who can be this angry at only 8 in the morning! Though I have to say I don’t think it is wise to be an asshole to the ticket agents, especially if you are the one who is an hour late for your flight. But of course he got the last seat on the plan so maybe there is something to this yelling thing after all! Officially hate holiday travel!
8:15am Sitting outside waiting for Super Shuttle to take me from LAX to John Wayne Airport in Orange County. There is a seat on a plane for me...YAY!
8:20am Wondering if it’s too early for a drink?
8:30am Finally on the shuttle bus and we are listening to Christmas music. Things are looking up!
10:00am At John Wayne Airport, FINALLY. 2nd Airport. 2nd Security check point. And a new observation- these new divisions for security check points (family, casual and expert) really do not work. At both airports this morning the shortest lines were the family and liquid lines, and the longest lines were the expert traveler one (and everyone except me had liquids. To which I say- READ THE FREAKIN SIGNS PEOPLE!). But on a bright note I managed to gash my wrist with the ring I am wearing, so now am dripping blood and look like I attempted to kill myself!
11:11am Finally on airplane… getting very very sleepy… nap time!
11:30am Woken up from nap by the most insane turbulence. Half asleep but hear call button and emergency… at this point I’m ready to assume my position with my head between my legs and say a few hail marys if necessary.
1:15pm Finally off the airplane. Kiss the ground in Phoenix and am stumbling to the nearest bar…

Sometimes we just need rose colored glasses

This morning while trying to put the final touches on a new blog for my personal site (top 10 reasons why unemployment sucks) I started to poke around on the Internet and found an article that horrified me. A college student committed suicide live on a web cam over the weekend. Now I’m not going to link the website (in which the camera was only turned off when the police arrived to already find him dead) because I don’t think this guy deserves any more publicity. But here’s the thing, he not only died on camera but there were people that actually watched and were making comments on it while it was happening. And that’s the part that horrifies me the most. The fact that all these people had the ability to save this young kids life and instead they took time to make jokes and debate if he really had taken enough pills to die. I can’t imagine what this kid was going through, but obviously it was a cry for help and he was hoping that someone would save him. And no one cared enough about another human’s life to do anything about it. Mind you there were some that eventually did call the police, but only after it was too late. 12 hours after he said he was going to kill himself. And the website administrators were finally notified and were the ones to deal with the police. But you would think that they would have shut down the site, but no they not only allowed it to continue as people watching a college student already dead but they now have published photos and the video of what happened. The entire thing just disgust me on so many levels

It really got me to thinking that there is just so much negativity in the world. So much cynicism. So much narcissism. Sometimes all we need is a hug and to be told everything is going to be all right. Well I can’t tell you that everythings going to be all right and I don’t think my virtual hug is going to help much. But I can give you a list of everything that makes me smile. Ok it’s a little sappy. But sometimes we just need to turn up the optimism. So sitting here on my Saturday morning here’s everything that can bring a smile to my face. Maybe it will bring one to yours too. Maybe you will just sneer at it. Who knows. But for me, I’m going out with a grin!

- Evenings with my girlfriends full of laughter, wine, and cheese

- Sex on a lazy Saturday morning… Mmmmm enough said on that one!
- Afternoons spent on the beach with just a surfboard and a beer.
- The moment you land on vacation, when anything is possible.
- A Hug from my mother
- The first dip in ocean when you no longer need your wetsuit
- They way your heart skips a beat every time you hear his voice
- A great road trip with that really fantastic road trip mix
- Jumping in feet first, anywhere!
- A good book on a rainy afternoon
- Bruises and bite marks after a good weekend
- Sunday evenings spent in front of a fire, with a movie and someone to cuddle with.
- Saying I love you, and meaning it!
- The beep of a text message
- The first kiss, that really good one.
- A good debate.
- Cards in the mail. I get so much junk mail so that when someone sends me a card I’m in heaven. And if it’s a postcard from an exotic locale I will love them forever.
- Holding hands walking down the street
- The feel of the Arizona Sun on you.
- The smell of the ocean
- The way as soon as I see San Diego I feel like I’m finally home
- Being able to fit into a size jeans smaller than the last I bought
- Shoes. Best way to cheer me up is take me shoe shopping. Just put me in a pair of fuck me heels and I’m sold!
- That smile that just won’t go away after that perfect first date.
- Mimosas. Any day of the week!
- A good scary movie and someone whose lap I can jump into when I’m scared.
- When someone kisses the back of my shoulder when I’m sleeping…
- Skinny dipping.
- Watching the sun set over the ocean. Any ocean.
- A new hit on my blog.
- My camera… damn do I ever love taking pictures!
- Kickboxing. There is something about boxing all your demons out that really makes me smile!
- Finding 5 dollars in last years winter coat
- Getting a person on the phone instead of a recording when you call customer service.
- And pretty much anything involving my family and friends!!!

So go forth on your Saturday and smile to your hearts desire because there always is tomorrow to be cynical and jaded. Why not spend one day with your rose colored glasses on!

Cinderella goes to the ball!

Here is the story of how Mr. Military took this Cinderella to the ball, The United States Marine Corps Ball that is.

When Mr. Military found out that I would be down in San Diego for the weekend he invited me to be his guest as the Marine Corps Ball. He had suddenly this week found himself without a date and due to the fact that I look good in a cocktail dress and have an aversion to both guns and the military he thought that I would be a fun date. And I thought about men in white dress uniform looking dapper and sexy… well turns out that the Marine Corps has navy dress uniforms, and although the did look pretty dapper in the them with white gloves and little hats, I was most interested in the woman that they came with. Now these woman, military girlfriends and wives were a different sort than I was use to, and well a species all unto themselves. It was obvious that for many of them this was the highlight of their year… and it was painfully obvious that many of them were so young they thought of this ball as another prom or a glorified night out clubbing. The dresses ran the gamut from full on prom gowns (some complete with gloves and tacky plastic shoes!) to a white ballerina outfit (I kid you not it was a white corset top and a very shot tutu on the bottom) to a mermaid green skintight ass short dress that was more appropriate on a tranny hooking herself on Hollywood Blvd than a formal military ball.

But despite the inappropriateness of many of the dates what I walked away from the evening with was the deep sense of tradition that these men have. It was the 233rd Anniversary of the Marines, and with fitting of a “birthday” of this magnitude there were speeches and birthday cake! Though I did have to contain myself from laughing each time one of the men wished another happy birthday… Luckily Mr. Military finally explained it to me, otherwise I’m sure I would have made an idiot of myself and asked one of them about their “birthday”… But despite my confusion with some of the rituals (and my distaste for the Commandants speech, which seemed more like a recruiting video at it’s worst) I have to say my favorite part of the evening was the tradition of the cake. First I have to say that the cake is cut by an actually SWORD which is pretty freakin cool all by itself, but after it is cut the oldest marine in the squadron (Born September 20, 1961) took a bite and then passed it to the youngest marine (Born December 12, 1989). A passing of the sword so to speak. And maybe it might have been my exhausted, hungover and emotional state but it started to bring a tear to my eye.

Now though if the first part of the evening was about tradition and history the end part of was about youth and tackiness. Let me tell you about the dancing, more specifically let’s go back to my favorite hooker tranny wannabe in the mermaid dress who decided to try out her new stripper moves on the dance floor. She would have looked more appropriate dancing at Crazy Horse, but instead she was gyrating right in front of the commanding officers table. Pretty shortly after a few girl on girl moves a crowd had formed around her. And as I looked around the room you could see everyone staring at her with a horrified expression on their face, it was like a train wreck- you just couldn’t look away! But what caught my attention most was the Commanding Officers Wife. Unlike most of the woman in the room she was dressed with class, befitting an officer of his caliber and was busy trying to convince him to tell this woman to stop dancing. And seeing as he was hesitant to say anything she did what everyone else in the room wanted to do, she walked right up to our mermaid hooker and told her it was time to stop that dancing. I almost stood up and applauded.

Seeing as the floor show was over, Mr. Military and I got up and left the ball. But on the drive home I was struck by two things, one was that all these young men would give their life for this country. But on the flip side I also was stuck by the idea that all these young men, some 10 years younger than me, would also kill for this country. And at the end of an evening watching them interact with the people that they loved the most, that was a really sobering thought.

Semper Fidelis!

Don't forget...

Today was the funeral for one of my best friends while I was in high school… we’ve lost touch over the years. But sitting here this afternoon I can’t remember exactly why. Maybe it was distance. Maybe it was time. Maybe it was we’ve changed so much from the people that we once were. But until recently we kept up to date with each others life through myspace, as we are all seem to do with old friends… had tried to go to various Buck-O-Nine concerts over the years but just haven’t been able to make it happen. She died suddenly last week, complications due to diabetes that she didn’t even know that she had. She was only 30… and it got me to thinking about her and all the friends I have lost touch with. Some due to circumstances, some due to choice, and some sadly due to fate.

Monica and I had a tendency to get ourselves into trouble back in the days. The time she baked pot brownies for our Senior 6 to 6. Or all those Friday nights selling football programs for my father. Or maybe the best was the time we decided to put a spell on a boy to fall in love with me. I don’t remember the boy, though I do remember that it didn’t work! But that was Monica for you. Always ready to jump in and create a little mischief with me. All those years at Soma to see bands (any ska band that came to town could find us in front row skanking), days of switching clothing (we were the same size and both into our faux punk look), weekends spent at debate tournaments (yea we both were geeks) and at various play rehearsals… She really was there to shape my high school life and I sit here today devastated that I allowed so many years to go by… too many years. And yet too late to do anything about it.

Last year I lost someone who was one of my best friends and I said that I wouldn’t let years and distance come between friends again. But I once again have gotten lazy… I’ve lost touch with more friends this year. I often have a tendency to shrink into my head and not let anyone in. So learn from me. Tell those that you love that you love them. Pick up that phone and call the friend you haven’t talked to in days, months, years- it doesn’t matter. Send that facebook request to your bestie from the good old days… whatever it takes to make it happen. Because we all have lost too many people in our lives to stay complacent about it. To all my friends, I love you all. You mean more to me than most of you even know… and now I think it’s time to get out of my head, out of my past, and out of my emotions and get back to living life. I will see you all soon… and as for tonight, the first shots for Monica.

Handprints on the glass...

On my drive home from San Diego today I got to thinking about great sex… we’ve all had enough bad sex, and mediocre sex and just going-through-the-motions sex to really appreciate it when it gets GOOD… But it’s hard to pinpoint what it is that makes it good. I’ve had horrible sex with guys I’ve been in love with and fantastic sex with guys I haven’t. I’ve been with large, small, pierced, circumcised, uncircumcised… I’ve had the passionate sex and the crazy positions and the interesting locales… but sometimes it’s just great without a reason. Because great passion doesn’t always come from great love. Though great love does some times result in great passion… That passion though, often comes from some place else, the question is where?

It then got me to thinking about sexual ruts. Yea I know, I had way too much time on my hands during my drive home but we all get into a rut sometimes with our partners. We see them in and out most days, and sometimes the sex life becomes just as routine as the rest of our life… but if you don’t have a chance to get into a rhythm or a rut with someone, does that mean it will stay good. Or is it only good right now for me, because there isn’t a chance to get into a rut. Because I will admit it- I’ve been having some pretty fantastic sex lately. And although there is an attempt to make it a weekly “routine” so far there isn’t anything routine about it. It’s crazy, out of the box, passionate handprints on the glass door kind of sex... But as much as I love a good crazy night of sex, there also is a moment that I crave more than that, it’s the moment while I am sleeping. It’s the moment when someone reaches for me in the middle of the night, and just as they are snuggling close I can feel a kiss on the back of my shoulder. It’s the moment that I feel a tug at my heartstrings. Because it’s not done to get anything back. It’s not done to initiate sex. It’s done just because they just can’t keep their lips off of you. And it’s the moment that makes me keep coming back. Back to good sex. Back to bad sex. And back to sex that I know is bad for me. So for all the naysayer out there that this week have asked me, what the hell are you doing- it’s that moment. That is what I’m doing…

Postcards from the edge

Ok I guess its confession time. I was hoping to delay it. Partly because I know I will get flack from my girls for it and partly because he still reads my blogs, but here goes- I spent part of the week in San Diego with (gasp!) Mr. Green. Now it’s not what you are probably thinking. It wasn’t a last ditch effort to try and convince him to make us work. In fact over the last few weeks I realized that’s never going to happen. I’ve also realized that as much as I would like that, it’s probably not what I need in my life right now. I’ve finally gotten my life back on track and am thoroughly enjoying having my mojo back… including enjoyed having cute men send over bottles of champagne during nights out with my girls this week. But that’s an entirely different story, lets get back to the one with Mr. G and my road trip down south… For the first time since probably our first date I was able to just spend time with him and enjoy that time. There weren’t any worries of when will I see him again, or where is this going or the dreaded why don’t you want to be in a relationship talk. Instead there was just some food, some laughs and some great sex… yes I said it, we did have sex, sex in the living room, sex in the bedroom, sex on the kitchen table... I mean come on, you know I wasn’t going down there for DINNER! The only negative thing that came out of my trip was I realized just how much time this summer I wasted trying to figure out what was going on between us instead of just enjoying what we had. I spent way too much time pushing him away. Too much time trying to make him into the “boyfriend” and not enough time just enjoying who he was. And it seems that now that I can take out the expectations, what I am left with is someone who I enjoy spending time with, someone who I am able to have political discussions with, someone who enjoys eating as much as I do (yea I know that’s odd, but such a plus), someone who really doesn’t mind the extra weight on my middle but instead finds my insanely sexy just as I am, and most importantly someone whom I’m very sexually compatible with. Not to mention he did look very sexy leaving for work in a suit on Friday morning...

And it was nice to know that he missed me, and yes for once it was him telling me how much I was missed! And it was nice that for once he wanted me to stay longer instead of thinking of me as someone he had to entertain and a chore. In fact within 20 minutes of me being there he was trying to get me to call in sick the next day so we could spend more time together. And it was nice for once to get an invite down to San Diego, he has since suggested we make this more of a weekly arrangement. Something I could definitely get use to… but for now I’m just happy the way things are going in my life. And maybe there will be a new romance, I have drinks with Mr. USC next week, maybe there will be an old romance rekindled… but for now it’s nice to know that at this moment I really am just happy.

And on leaving Mr. G’s place Friday morning I went to get a glass of water from the fridge and had to smile at what was on it, the post card I had sent from Jamaica. Because as much as he had tried in these last few weeks to make me think he was happy to have me out of his life, I certainly wasn’t forgotten… and that also is nice to know.

My best of New York!

A friend called today asking for food suggestions while he was in New York… which got me to thinking about my favorite places that I use to haunt while I lived there. So I put together a list for him of the best of New York. Now you have to remember he is a straight guy in his mid 20's, from San Diego who spends more time smoking pot than in restaurants that demand a tie. In fact when I asked him what kind of food he was looking for his exact response was more like the burger and fry places… so here is the list of my best places for comfort food. Oh and deserts because every time I hang out with him the date will always end with Ice Cream!

Best Fries:
Pomes Frites
123 Second Avenue (St. Marks Place Area, East Village)
http://www.pommesfrites.ws/
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say one of the best fries in the WORLD not just in New York. You're only option is Regular, Large or Double Belgium Fries, but the real reason to go is for one of the almost 30 dipping sauces that you can choose from. My personal favorite was a mix of salsa and mayo and was to die for!!!

Best Burger:
Cozy Soup and Burger
739 Broadway (Washington Square Area, Village)
http://www.cozysoupnburger.com/
Now this burger (and burger joint) is by no means fancy or exotic. Here is the reason I love it- it's loosely packed ground beef so if you get the cheese burger the cheese melts all the way through the burger instead of being just on top. So it becomes a cheesy burger vs. a cheese burger. This also was a favorite of mine due to it's location in the Village and its closeness to both NYU and all the dorms- plus it stayed up all night!

Best BBQ:
Virgil's
152 W. 44th Street (Time Square Area)
http://www.virgilsbbq.com/
Now many people think that this place is too touristy, but one of the reasons I loved it is because I worked on Broadway and off-Broadway for many years and it was close to where I worked and had amazing food. Now I was never that into BBQ, but was obsessed with their Train Wreck Fries- Cheddar Cheese, Bacon, Scallions, Jalapeños and Ranch Dressing!

Best Hot Dog:
Grays Papaya
402 6th Ave. (Washington Square Area, West Village)
2090 Broadway (71st Street, Upper West Side)
Now I'm sure there are other amazing dogs out there in NY (and many will say nothing can come close to a Chicago Hot Dog) but Grays Papaya is an institution in New York, especially when you are a college student on a budget or drunk with the munchies in the wee hours of the morning.

Best Wings:
Firehouse
522 Columbus Ave. (Upper East Side)
http://firehousetavern.com/
Their Sexy Fries and Buffalo Wings are amazing…. Especially when you dip the fries in the buffalo sauce. Wings come in flavors of Mild, Medium, Hot, Inferno, Jerk, Bubba or BBQ. And wash it all down with an ice cold beer!

Best Bar:
Swifts
34 E. 14th Street (lower Village)
This Irish Pub is by far the most laid back one in the city… with sessions every Tuesday Night (at least they use to when I was in school). Now this one was my personal Cheers so that's why it made my list. But like Pizza places, every corner in New York has another cool bar. My personal favorites are more pub/dive less trendy 15 dollar cosmo places.

TIE Best Deserts:
Veniero's
342 E. 11th Street (East Village)
http://www.venierospastry.com/
Best Italian Bakery… Enough Said!

TIE Best Deserts:
Serendipity
225 E. 60th Street (Upper East Side)
http://www.serendipity3.com/main.htm
This is the corner ice cream shop that you have only dreamed about… World renounced for their Frozen Hot Chocolate. Usually there is a huge wait, but it is open until 3am and the wait does go down in the later hours, but it's worth every minute of it!

Best Pizza:
Joe's
7 Carmine Street
http://www.famousjoespizza.com/
This one is my personally favorite… but in New York you can't throw a stone without hitting a good pizza place. The key is that it's more like a Pizza Stand and less like a restaurant. You want thin crust and very greasy!

Dive or Bust... Days 7 and 8

Our last full day was packed with activity… after another early start I had an extremely long swim in the ocean along the shore. Though I did sort of underestimated the current and on the way back, I admit I did have a bit of the panic when I realized I was out in the middle of the ocean, with no one around me, no real shore to swim to and lot and lots of chances to get eaten by a shark… luckily I made it back to my finish without harm. But spent the rest of the morning sunning myself in the pool.

After lunch we headed out to Negril for a little shopping and Ricks. Ricks Café was my one must do on the island. It’s a huge bar that is known for their cliff diving. I was envisioning a very Traveling Pants type moment with all of us jumping off the cliff together. But by the time we got there everyone else seemed to manage to injure themselves and thought that a jump of the cliff was not in their best interest. But once again I trekked through and did the jump! Mind you I wasn’t able to do the very high one but did manage the lower and middle ones, and I have to say 30 feet was enough for me! A little disappointed in myself that I didn’t have the nerve to do the highest one, but knew I was probably pushing my luck if I tried that one. And going home in a cast was not what was on my to do list for this trip! But after doing my 3 jumps I was able to sit back, have a beer and listen to the reggae music while watching the sun set… and I have to say I was in heaven!!!

Now I’m just sitting outside on our last day (day 8!) and enjoying a little of the sun before we leave. I’m sad to be leaving what I can only describe as Paradise. I had an amazing time on this island! I’ve had lots of girl time but I’ve also had plenty of time to myself to kind of think and figure out things in my life. Lots and lots of revelations, some good…. Some not so good. And I think I might finally be brave enough to make a few changes in my life when I get back. I’m nervous, scared and excited at the same time. I’m started a new chapter in my life, and luckily I’m going to be able to start it with a nice tan!

XXOO,
Hardt

Pearls before swine… Jamaica Day 4

4 days in Paradise really have started to give me perspective on my life…. Maybe because it’s given me time to think, living without TV, phone, and bad internet connection will do that to you. Maybe because I’ve seen how much of my life I take for granted and how many things are really unnecessary… or maybe it’s because I was bitten by my prince charming- Literally since my horse named Prince bit me in the leg today. I realized many things on my journey so far, the first being I need to start to look at things more half full than half empty. Since breaking up with Mr. NakedBartender I’ve fallen into this depression of sorts about being “single and without kids”… but the fact of the matter is I have my entire life ahead of me. I realized this week how exciting it is to know that I have my best moments ahead of me. That moment when I meet the man I’m going to marry, the look my father will give me as he give me away on my wedding day, seeing my children for the first time, meeting my grandchildren… All those great moments, are ahead of me. It’s not depressing or sad not having had those yet, it’s exhilarating knowing that those are just around the corner or even just around a lifetime!

Except for my revelations, today has been pretty chill… I once again woke up around 5 to watch the sunset, had a cup of coffee and then decided to head back to bed until around 8. We were off at 10 to go Horseback riding on the Paradise Plantation. And I have to say there is something to be said for riding a horse through the beach looking up at the mountains of Jamaica. After our ride through the plantation we headed back to the house for what was the best Jerk Chicken Lunch I have ever experienced! Seriously trying to figure out how to sneak the chef back into the country in my suitcase!!!!

After lunch we tried to venture out into the water, but due to a crazy current, a high tide due to an incoming storm and a little accident that happened to Stitz (her second fall of the trip but at least her legs match on bruises and scrapes!) we decided to scratch the swim and instead just headed into our own pool, where multiple “fruity rum drinks” we brought to us on a silver tray… tonight will be another low key night of playing cards and listening to reggae because tomorrow will be another jam packed day- A trip down the Dune River, hiking up YS falls, and then a boat ride to Pelican Bar which is located 20 minutes off shore on a sand bar!

Despite all the fun… really missing everyone back home! So once again sending my love from the Islands… wish everyone was here with me today!

XXOO,
Hardt

PS Animal Count as of Day 4: A cow without a tail, a black hawk and these crazy crabs that were swarming the beach! Though the best part of the day, my horse was named Prince and he BIT me. I met a prince and only ended up with a bite mark...kind of telling, Right?!

Ya Mon… Jamaica Day 3

There is only one word I need to use to describe today- WOW! Started off my morning at 5 am by once again having coffee over looking the ocean. Another crazy storm had gone through over night but by five it was peaceful and calm, with a perfect breeze and not a cloud in the sky as the sun rose over the mountains. I have to say I love that when I get up there is coffee waiting for me and the table set for our 6am breakfast… There was an early start this morning since we were off zip lining in the Rainforest just outside of Ochos Rios, a nice two and a half hour drive from Bluefields. So after breakfast, we were packed into our van and we were off on our adventure. Once again during the journey I was overwhelmed by the traditions here in Jamaica. I watched all the school children in the freshly pressed and colorful uniforms heading off to school on the busses and all their parents waiting for those same buses to take them to work. There were men carrying bags of rice on the road, groups of guys heading into construction jobs on plenty of new resorts, and woman in uniforms heading to the ones that already existed.

Around 9:30 we finally reached Chauka for our zip lining tour, met our guides (Anthony, Junior and the oh so delectable Andrew) and hoped into this open backed safari van and headed up the mountain. Getting up there was interesting all in itself, straight up a mountain dirt road and we finally got to catch a glimpse of the locals smoking some ganja! Upon arrival at the top of the mountain I was harnessed a little tightly into my gear, making me wish I didn’t partake so much in the pork chops and mango run drinks the night before! But quickly we learned why so tight! The entire experience was mind-blowing… just clipped onto a rope hanging between trees and zipping down a mountain gave me a rush I’ve never experienced. Unfortunately I quickly earned the nickname “Brave One” from our tour guides, and let’s just say if it was possible to make me go down at lightening speed on some of the runs they did! Let me tell you the one that I went just straight down on I almost pee’d my pants because instead of using the break at the bottom on me they just let me drop… and FAST! It was an experience I will never forget, and one that has me so ready for my next adventure in heights- Sky Diving. Though that one will have to wait until I get back to the states, I’m adventuresome not stupid!

After hiking back towards basecamp we stopped, changed, and had a picnic lunch. Once again grateful for our chef, because instead of the Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches that you would expect, we had homemade banana nut bread and the most amazing breaded chicken that I have ever had! Though part of that might have been because I worked up an appetite and part of that might have been because our driver even gave it to us on china with real silverware! And the highlight of our packed lunch- the cooler they packed us with water, sodas, and BEER!

Once our tummies were full we were ready to adventure out again. This time to Dune River Falls were we thought we would do a little hiking around a waterfall. WRONG. Instead our guide took us on a hike straight up a 600 foot waterfall. We had to hold hands like school children and then climbed straight against the current through the water. It was exhilarating, amazing and frightening all at the same time!

After an exhausting day, I’m once again laying in bed listening to the waves and the jungle as my eyes are slowly starting to close… tomorrow will bring an exciting new adventure of Horseback Riding on the beach, a lie out by the pool and then a nice little kayak in the ocean… can’t wait to wake up to another day in Paradise!

Sending all my love from the Islands,
XXOO
Hardt

PS- Additional animals to add to my count: A donkey, lots of crazy bugs including the one who flew out of my towel at me at 5:00 this morning wanting to play, peacocks- including a white one that I didn’t know even existed and I kid you not- Sheep!

Club Paradise, Jamaican Style… Day 2

Day 2 was one of the most relaxing days of my life… it pretty much just involved lazing around, drinking rum drinks that were brought to me on a silver tray (by our favorite butler Aldean), catching up on my reading and emails, swimming in the pool and basically just staring at the clouds and waves.

I started off the morning being woken up by one of the most amazing sounds in the world- the sounds of waves crashing along the beach mixed with intense rain. It seems that the tail of Hurricane Ike had finally arrived on my small Island… I laid in bed for hours just listening to the sound of the wind and watching the lightning on the water- oh yes I can just open my doors and there is the ocean! There is something to be said for French doors that just open into Paradise. I’m about as far away from Los Angeles as possible! Luckily the bulk of the storm happened around 4am so by 7 I was sitting outside on the veranda with my coffee just staring at the turquoise water wondering how I’m ever going to be able to leave this place. One of the best things about this Villa is that there are no windows, at least glass ones that is. And upstairs is just a completely open house. There are some walls, a few doors leading to other rooms but the rooms just open up to outside. It reminds me of living in a tree house.

The rest of the day flew by in a haze of Planters Punch, sun and rain…Throughout the day the storm would start up again and we’d have to pack up all our gear and head inside, though really with the well trained staff it was more like they packed up our gear for us while we waited where it was dry! I have to say it’s one of the oddest things to have a “staff”… here at Bluefields there are about 10 people that rotate in and out throughout the day, all here just to make sure we have everything we need and that we don’t have to lift a finger for anything… and although it is something I could get use to, I don’t think I would like it day after day because the truth of the matter is you are never alone because there is someone constantly watching after you… and sometimes I just like to be alone. Luckily there is a private patio right off my bedroom where I was able to get a little private sun time (aka without my bikini top on) so I will be able to go back to the states minus tan lines, yay!

Though as amazing as it’s been to have nothing to do, I will admit I did start to go a little stir crazy by the end of the day… I did get to take an amazing walk along the footpath up and down the neighboring Villas and really watch the storm progress. And of course I took a million pictures of every little thing I saw and every small wave crashing on the beach. It was amazing to walk and not see anyone, no hear any noise except the waves, to just smell the amazing salt air and rain. I originally thought to go on a run, but it was just so breath taking I actually had to just stop and enjoy everything all around me. For the first time in a really long time, I was able to really just stop. And it felt amazing!

Since it was too stormy to go into town we didn’t even make it to the market today, much less snorkeling and cliff diving. So all that has been shifted to Friday and luckily tomorrow we are off at 6am to Zip Line through the rainforest and then off to what is supposed to be the Niagara Falls of Jamaica! I’m nervous, excited and scared all at the same time! Basically just having the time of my life and can’t wait to see what adventure tomorrow will bring. It has started to rain once again and I can feel my eyes getting sleepy...


So until tomorrow...
Sending my love from the Islands!
XXOO,
Hardt

PS Additional Animal Count today: My new friend the crab that followed me on my entire walk along the beach today, our 3 dogs that have now grown to 5 dogs (which all seem to like to sleep right outside my door), a really cool Pelican which spent most of its day right in front of the villa looking for food and of course the really loud frogs right outside my window that like to remind me that yes I am in a Jungle and not at home in LA!

Jamaican me crazy...Day 1

After a long day tending bar for college football the last thing I wanted to hear Saturday afternoon was that my flight to Jamaica was delayed… after a nerve racking couple of weeks watching hurricanes come in and out of the area I was starting to get nervous that I would have a week of rain, flooding and come back as white as I had left. So with the delay you can imagine how happy I was to just finally be on my way to the airport…. Suitcase, check. Wallet, check. Passport, check. And we were finally off…. Until we checked in at the airport. Luck would have it the one person doing the passport checks on all of us had left hers at home! So while the rest of us bellied up to the bar to start our early Jamaican festivities, poor Janice was stuck rushing home to get hers. To only find out that as soon as she had her passport in hand, of course the car wouldn’t start! But finally she was on her way, in the second car of the evening… yea we are finally on our way to Jamaica. Well of course that was after our 3 hour delay in the airport… we were tired but didn’t care-we were FINALLY on our way to Jamaica.

And boy was the wait worth it. This island is breath taking… I am currently sitting out on the patio off of my bedroom, over looking our pool and private cove just staring at the stars in the sky… and once again I am speechless. In less than 24 hours I have fallen in love with the land, the people and the way of life.

View from my bedroom

View out the other bedroom door

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself... let me go back to the beginning when we landed, in wonderful Montego Bay! Upon arriving (with no cloud in sight!) our driver Percy meet us at the airport with our rental van- a 12 person passenger van was needed to fit the 6 of us and all of our luggage! In the hour and half that it took to get from the airport to our Villa in Bluefield’s we went through town after town, and over mountains and through what can only be described as rainforests… I was first struck but how shockingly beautiful the poverty was in this county with everyone dressed in their Sunday best and the brightest clothes I have ever seen hanging on the clothes lines. How happy everyone seemed to be, no matter what their station in life was or what their job was that they were doing. We passed the smallest bars you have ever seen, little shack stores and houses on top of one another- almost all painted lively colors and with people sitting out on verandas just enjoying the Sunday breeze. Everyone was just walking along the narrow road, cars honking at one another, families waving to friends across the street. It was as if everyone had a smile on their face.

Montego Bay

Montego Bay

Road to Negril

Road to Negril

Road to Negril

Road to Negril

Road to Negril

Road to Negril

Road to Negril

And just when I thought I couldn’t fall more in love, we hit the Negril side of the island and the water. Let’s just say I basically swooned! It’s unbelievable how crystal clear and calm the water is… and how warm! Upon arriving at the villa we were greeted by the manager, our chef, our butler and more staff than you can imagine! We spent the morning and early afternoon in a transitional Villa since ours wasn't ready for us yet... best temporary accommodations I think have ever seen with staff coming in and out of it all day. Though our temporary Villa was nothing compared to Le Hermitage where we will be spending the next 8 days. A 4 bedroom Villa complete with infinity pool and the most amazing view that I've ever seen. Plus you can't beat staying at an old Pirates Lair! And when they say fully staffed villas they aren’t kidding. In the last 12 hours we have had every need tended to. We’ve swam in the pool, had drinks brought to us in the ocean, floated in the most clear water I will probably ever see, ocean kayaked along the shore, took a nap in a hammock right over the ocean...

Bluefields Bay

Bluefields Bay

My own little piece of paradise!

La Hermitage

First nights dinner and our view from the dinning room

Sunset at diner

we've eaten the most amazing foods for lunch and dinner (Pineapple Lamb kabobs that I can't even being to describe!), drank more alcohol than I care to remember, stared at millions of stars, wished on at least one, and am now currently listening to the sounds of the jungle around me. It’s insane to think that less than 24 hours ago I was sitting in Los Angeles, amongst the smog and traffic and stressing myself over jobs and boys that don’t really matter. It seems now that all that matters is this moment. Nothing before this really has meant anything! Tomorrow we are off to another adventure… the boat picks us up at 10am to bring us to some off shore reef to snorkel, then it’s back to the villa for lunch, and then to what I’m dying to do- Ricks Café on the water and I will be cliff diving from the bar! And if I survive that it will be off to a Cocktail Party in the evening!

Sending my love from the islands!
XXOO,

Hardt

PS Animal Count so far: Goats, Cattle, Rosters, 3 dogs that live at the Villa right outside my bedroom, a half dozen lizards, pelicans and about every mosquito know to man which are currently having a late night snack of me!

My watch Dogs

On borrowed time...

Late last night I got back from another fantasy weekend in San Diego with Mr. Green. I say fantasy because when I’m down there it seems I leave my reality and enter into this blissful “couple”. But like all fantasies they must come to an end, which of course happened last night over dinner. But first let me share moments of it before I burst your bubble. I have to start out with even though we have only been dating for 2 months we are disgustingly couply, more so than I would think given his aversion to being in a relationship. He reaches for my hand wherever we go, leans over for a kiss while driving, and while out at a restaurant my hands are usually inside his…. Though my favorite part of him is when he reaches for me in the middle of the night...So you can see where the line blurs between dating and relationship… and why it’s hard for me to bounce back and forth when I return to LA. Because when I'm in San Diego we have this amazing relationship... and when I'm in LA I just go back to being just that girl he sometimes has sex with.

I drove down on Saturday night already exhausted and annoyed with the situation. Lately I've been feeling like I'm more of a nuisance than a pleasure to him, so when I arrived in San Diego lets just say I was not in my best mood… but luckily after a couple of drinks and a little making out, he was able to snap me right out of it. We spent the first two days around other people, either his friends, roommates or my friends. Which was fine with me because I was hoping to show him that these weekends are possible without the stress of entertaining me and that we can still live our own lives and be together. The master plan was to implant in his head that these weekends in San Diego are not only possible but realistic. After all he travels so much for work, and I work not so much, so I have no problem doing a bit of the commuting. Easy enough for me to come down on a Friday afternoon and come back up on a Sunday Morning before I bartend for Sunday Football... So this weekend I got to catch up with friends while hiking, had lunch with his brother Mr. Green Sr. (Cotija, best Mexican EVER), meet up with old friends of mine from high school that I literally haven’t seen in years and got to meet many of his friends while out for his roommates birthday. Now I don’t remember many names, and I’m sure the faces are a little blurry (we did have a lot to drink), but what I did recall was that most of the ones he described as really great friends were couples. Interesting, and at the time I thought promising, turns out that was just wishful thinking!

Now if the first two days were spent around other people, Monday was spent blissfully alone. And after walking down to breakfast and laying around in bed doing nothing for the rest of the morning he took me on a surprise outing. The day before I had casually mentioned wanted to go to the aquarium, so after bugging him all morning to do something he said he had a surprise for me. And after practically being blindfolded I was led to the aquarium… a good surprise! And the entire time we were riding with my eye closed I was hoping that was where he would be taking me… The entire time he was like a little kid happy with his idea to surprise me, and I was like a little kid happy that I was with someone who wanted to surprise me! Now I won’t bore you with all the specifics on the weekend, but once again it was a perfect weekend in San Diego… Well perfect in my book, sure we did annoy each other at parts, and did argue a bit, give each other a lot of shit, and managed to be passed out before midnight on both nights… But I got some sun, spent some time on the beach, got a hike in, had some great sex… all in all accomplished what I had gone down there for… all except one little thing…

While at dinner last night I knew I needed to bring up the dreaded word “exclusive”… Now I need to start out by saying in Mr. Green’s defense he hasn’t been dating or sleeping with anyone else… which as nice as that is to know it also has pointed out to me that he could if he wanted to… and turns out that he still does want the opportunity too. He told me that he doesn’t know if he can be exclusive for awhile…. Which is fair, but it also was fair to tell him that our dating does have an expiration date which is coming up pretty soon. Because as much as I would like to just continue having fun together and having great sex and lots of laughs, the more time I spend with him the more I do actually like him. And the fact is I don’t want to be out there dating anyone else. He specifically asked about Mr. C&O, who I have been avoiding blogging about since Mr. Green does occasionally read my blogs. And although Mr. C seems like a great guy, the problem is I just have been avoiding our actual first date because it doesn’t feel right! And it’s not Mr. Greens permission that I needed (in fact I was a little disgusted when he told me that I should feel free to continue to date other people). It's like in the Break-up with their fight over the dishes, I just want him to NOT want me to date other people! But the real question is, how long can I wait for someone who probably isn’t ever going to want to be with just me? If after 2 months he doesn’t know, I think we both already have that answer… which is just plain old no I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. And maybe it’s because of the place he's at in his life, maybe it’s the distance, his age, my annoying pressuring of him or maybe it’s just me… I don't know if I will ever know. But for now I’m going to wait it out a bit longer because the truth of the matter is I do like him. And despite his lack of interest in commitment he is actually a really good guy, lets just see if he can transition into a great one.

But for now I head to Jamaica at the end of the week and plan on forgetting all my romantic issues. After that we shall just have to wait and see. After our conversation he said that he still wants to continue dating me and wants plan a weekend up here for us to go see Point Break Live… so cross your fingers and lets see if that happens. Maybe in the meantime he will realize that I might just be worth the leap he’s afraid to take… I just hope he realizes that in time!

Is this my life?

Today I got to thinking about my life. What’s in it. What does it mean. Who I am. What I am… And where am I going to end up when this crazy rollercoaster that has been my life finally stops.

Filling out my passport paperwork I realized I don’t have a box - single, married, divorced… is there an undecided? A couple of months ago it was in a relationship and happy, but that feels more like a lifetime ago… now my box should be “dating” but in reality I’m really horrible at that. When the dating genes were given out, I sure was skipped! The only way I can describe myself is dating-retarded! I’m good at relationships but dating just leaves me baffled. I go on dates- some successful some not. I don’t seem to have trouble meeting men, it’s just meeting men that I actually want to be with that seems to be a little bit harder! I’ve been dating Mr. Green for about a month now but due to his schedule I won’t be seeing him in Los Angeles for at least another month if not more, so really we should say we are in limbo or on hold. Though from my experience when you are separated from someone for longer than you were together that usually means you are over. The true test will be to see if he actually invites me down to San Diego in that time... I have Mr. X who sends emails/texts/im’s/pictures from India and Thailand but really I don’t want more than just to be friends this time around. I will always love him, am looking forward to seeing him when he gets back in a couple weeks because really he’s been great this year- the perfect distraction that I needed to get back on my feet… but at the same time I realized he’s a great distraction, but right now I’m looking for something a little bit more. But for every moment where I’m unhappy being single I have another moment where I’m so happy I’m not in a relationship. I can go down to San Diego at a moments notice to visit friends, I can hop off to Jamaica without having to worry about checking in with anyone, I can have girls night where I go out and get my flirt on (plus multiple free drinks), I can spend my Sunday laying in bed doing nothing or I can get up and surf and hike and do yoga and not have to worry about what anyone else wants to do.

As for my age- I’m not quite 30 but at the same time I don’t feel like I’m in my 20’s anymore. I still have those impulses to go and get crazy and have wild nights… and lately it’s ended up like it did last weekend- in bed asleep by midnight! I have “jobs” but right now I can’t say I have a career (Occupation- Bartender? Swim Instructor? Surf Instructor? Babysitter? Yard Sale Specialist? Entertainment Assistant?). I was recently reminded of just how athletic I am… but at the same time I feel like I’ve never been lazier. I know I have packed on a few pounds lately… mostly because I’m, dare I say it, happy. Being in my post-relationship depression it was easy to eat crazy healthy and work out all the time… but lately I’ve found that ice cream calling to me and when the gym time rolls around a nice nap seems just as nice!

Really right now the only thing I do know is that I’ve somehow gotten off track… and I really don’t know how to get back on it. So I’ve decided to take the next 30 days and just really figure out what is going on in my life. I’ve also decided I really need to shake things up a bit, and more than just by trying a different class at the gym! And I don’t know if that means I need to give up alcohol, meat, men (GASP!), sex… But it definitely means I need to take some time by myself, without the outside voices interjecting on my life…. Because right now there sure are a lot! It seems everyone has an opinion on how I’m living my life, how I could do better, what I need to stop doing, what I need to not be thinking about… lately it’s become too much. Too much criticism. Too much advice. And really just too little Hardt. So check back in a month and see how much can change… I’ll just be getting back into the United States… I’ll hopefully have a nice tan and a flat stomach. Maybe a nice boy to come home to (and if not than I think I can be ok with that too). Hopefully a perfect job that lets my bank account get back into the positive numbers…. And hopefully a perfect ME.

Meeting the Parents... GASP!

Now there comes a point in every relationship when you have to meet the parents. And it’s something every person dreads. For me I get especially worried after Mr. Wyoming’s Mother hated me and had no problem telling that to me face… though ironically he still doesn’t remember her ever not liking me. I’m not kidding when I tell you this woman use to call every night just when we were going to bed (or having sex) and he would freaking answer it- even if we were having sex! But that’s an entirely different relationship story… anyways Sunday morning Mr. Green meet my parents. Now in a normal circumstance it would be WAY too soon to meet them- especially since we are only just dating! But seeing as both myself and them live out of town and we all were in San Diego for the wedding the timing was just right. Though I have to say I originally I didn’t invite him to brunch because I know that I had been pressuring him too much lately to get the allusive commitment, and I figured meeting the family would send him over the edge. Plus he was going to be spending the weekend at wedding events with me, which was also a little bit of pressure for just a budding relationship. When I first mentioned the brunch I knew I had guessed correctly, he kind of froze and was like ok I’ll think about it. Which kind of was the answer I wanted for two reasons. One I didn’t think it was fair to introduce them to someone I was dating if it wasn’t serious… and two they never like anyone I’ve ever dated and I just can’t deal anymore with having to justify and defend someone to my family. But as the weekend progressed (and he luckily missed meeting them at both the Out of Town Guests drinks reception and at the end of the wedding) he started to change his mind…And Saturday night after the wedding (before I passed out drunk, the poor guy!) he decided that he was ready to meet them in the morning… though of course that’s not saying it was easy to drag his ass out of bed Sunday morning! I once again told him he could sleep in and I would meet up with him when I was done, but he surprisingly rallied and met them with me at the Green Flash for breakfast. But what was even more surprising was the fact that my family seemed to really like him. My Mom is still not sold, but only because of the fact that he lives in San Diego. She kept saying he seems really great, nice, handsome… but he’s not local (as if I needed her to ONCE again remind me of that one!). And she made a point to mention that he was 10 times better than Mr. NakedBartender ever was … but the person that I was most shocked with was my father. He first got on the phone and was upset because I didn’t call and ask him what he had thought of Mr. Green. Oh great, here it is I thought… but what he said was that he really liked him, thought he was great. And of course his little input on my ex’s was- I like Mr. Green, and you know I never liked Mr. Arizona. Which wasn’t a surprise since in the last 2 years of us being together my father actually REFUSED to talk him. Mr. Arizona would come over to my parent’s house for many events and holidays and would barely acknowledge his existence! And here is my Dad calling to say that he actually (GASP) approves of someone I’m dating… seriously hell might have frozen over down there in San Diego over the weekend. Or it could be that I’m actually dating a good guy?! Though as we all know I have been drastically wrong before when saying that statement, so really only time will tell...

I see dead people!

Last night I found myself enjoying not only one of my favorite summer activities but one of the top things to do in Los Angeles- Classic Movie Screenings at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about (and if that is true, run don’t walk to the cemetery this Saturday or Sunday!) the Hollywood Forever Cemetery opens its gates on Saturday and Sundays for screenings of Classic Movies (mostly camp and horror). It screens it onto the back of one of the mausoleums on the great lawn. It sounds morbid but in fact it is incredibly fun! They open the gates an hour and half before the screening (though I recommend getting there really early because it often maxes out) and with a DJ playing in the background you can enjoy your own picnic dinner. And it has the distinction of being one of the few places in LA where you can enjoy alcohol with your picnic! But lets get back to my Saturday… Mr. Green and I set out to enjoy Clockwork Orange under the stars… in hindsight maybe not the best “date” movie, but since all of our dates had been unconventional (except maybe seeing Batman the previous evening) it seemed only appropriate that we see one of the most sexually disturbing movies of all times. So before heading to the screening we made a stop by at Whole Foods to pack ourselves the perfect dinner- well my version of the perfect dinner: Brie, Guda, A Tomato-Cheese Spread, Salami, Crackers, a Rosemary Olive Baguette, Hummus, Tabouli (my first time tasting it and have to say I’m kind of a fan now!), and mini healthy Chocolate Chip Cookies… oh and don’t let me forget two bottles of Chardonnay. After that it was off to the movies! The movie was even better than I remembered (though a little more disturbing!) but let me tell you it really was just about the perfect way to spend a Saturday Evening- A great movie, a couple of bottles of wine, some cheese, and Mr. Green to cuddle with under the stars… Now if only all Saturdays could be spent that way, I’d have a very happy Hardt.

San Diego Happy Hour- Millers Field

Millers Field
4465 Mission Blvd.,
San Diego, California, 92109
(858) 483-4143
Rating: On a scale of 1 – 4 shots
Overall- 3 Shots

Location- 0 Shots (if you live in LA) though 3 ¾ shots if you live in San Diego. This one is literally stumbling distance from Pacific Beach (between Garnet and Grand if you know anything about PB). A ¼ shot was deducted because it’s not literally on the beach, but from the outdoor patio on the 2nd floor you will be able to get a glimpse of the ocean!

Atmosphere- 2 shots. I actually choose this bar because it was fairly empty. Though mind you I was doing my happy hour during a non-happy hour at this bar on a Sunday afternoon in July. All the bars along the beach were rocking, and having to kill some time alone I actually was looking to just sit outside, have a beer and read a magazine. They also have free wi-fi so I have a feeling I’m not the only dork that has stumbled into that bar looking to relax with a beer alone!

Drinks- 3 Shots. I only had a Hefeweizen but I noticed that they do have really cheap Mimosas and Bloody Mary’s on Saturday and Sunday mornings until 1pm. Just wished that the weekend happy hour went a little longer!

Food- 2 1/2 shots. I only tried the French Fries (which mind you were actually really good) but it was pretty much standard bar fare without any healthy food other than the salads. I was looking for some kind of quick veggies but was FORCED to go for the greasy fries instead.

Bartenders- 3 1/2 Shots. Although they were not the attractive bartenders that you usually find in Los Angeles they were very quick and very attentive. I got my fries, my beer, and my check right away! And I wasn’t made to feel like a loser to be spending my early Sunday evening in a bar alone reading.

A special thanks to the Las Vegas Airport for making my trip to Millers Field happen… if Chris hadn’t gotten stuck on the runway I would never have had time to enjoy a little San Diego Happy Hour!

Hardt takes public Transportation

After living in Los Angeles the last 7 years I’ve come to think of Public Transportation as something that other people ride on… and more often than not am just upset when I’m stuck behind one of those horrible old buses that make a stop at every freaking corner! But today I adventured up from San Diego on a train, a metro, and a trolley… And I have to say it was kind of fun. The morning started out on the Pacific Liner down in San Diego at 7:10am. Luckily it was pretty empty so I got a row to myself with a prime window that would look out on the ocean when we drove by. As soon as I got on I also noticed that it not only had seat trays, a foot rest, but it also had a plug so I could power up my phone and computer. YAY… and internet access when I connected to random wireless along the route! Though I didn’t get to use it that much since rafter a weekend of not getting enough sleep I was passed out before we started and woke up with only about 45 min left on the ride… double YAY.

When I got off the train in LA I realized that I still wasn’t able to get a hold of anyone to pick me up so I though- I’ll take the metro, that sounds like fun, right?! And actually it was. I took the Metro Red Line to North Hollywood and was unbelievably clean, fast, and air-conditioned! Within 15 minutes I was at the North Hollywood Station, followed the signs across the street and immediately boarded this trolley/bus hybrid (the Orange Metroliner). And once again it was unbelievably clean, fast and air-conditioned. The only part of the adventure that wasn’t clean, fast and air-conditioned was my walk from the Metroliner stop home. Luckily it was a beautiful day, my bag wasn’t too heavy, and it was only 1.2 miles through a rather nice neighborhood. So 20 minutes later I finally found myself home, exhausted, but happy with that state of public transportation in this city… and although I wouldn’t want to do this on a daily basis there is nothing better than a Monday spend adventuring!

True Destination Dating

Over the last week I’ve spent some time getting to know Mr. Green a little bit better. Which has been hard seeing as I live in Los Angeles and he lives in San Diego, and was even further away in Las Vegas for a long weekend. So “getting to know” mainly consisted of emails, myspacing, facebooking, iming, and drunk text messaging… which you know is never a good thing early on when you are trying to get to know someone! And which of course lead me to where I am right now- Early Monday morning on the train coming up from San Diego. Oh yes, after a weekend of drunken texting we decided to make date number two in San Diego… Some thing decided while he was drunk on Friday night and I was exhausted from too many birthday celebrations. The timing worked out perfectly, I would be able to drive down with friends that were in town on Sunday afternoon and then take the train back up on Monday morning (his treat of course!)… So really having nothing to lose, I hoped into the car with my girls for a road trip and jaunted down for the day.

Now I came down to San Diego on Sunday with little expectations. After all we don’t really know each other yet, he’s a proven player (and as I was reminded by a friend Saturday I myself have spent the summer enjoying dating and the single life a little too much), the younger brother of one of my guy friends, 4 years younger than me and way too similar to the type of guys that I usually date- which we all know always ends up in a ball of flame somewhere down the line. But once again Mr. Green surprised me and we had a great time on what can only be described another unconventional date. The first one was a 25 hour whirlwind in Los Angeles and Disneyland and the 2nd one turned out to be 12 hours in San Diego consisting of: meeting him at the airport with his brother (since his flight was an hour delayed getting out of Vegas), dinner (Thai food, cute place, extra points for sharing food), watching the sun set over the ocean in Pacific Beach (another extra point for indulging me in my romantic notions and keeping me warm), doing his laundry (very romantic I know, but I was there in the only 12 hour window he had between playing with the boys in Vegas and a working trip in Chicago so we didn’t deduct points for that one), a jaunt to La Jolla to pick up my stuff from a friend (and his third set of points for not complaining about going especially since there was the possibility of me getting us lost finding her place) and then finally back to his place to watch a movie and pass out after a long exhausting weekend. Not your conventional date, but a memorable one none-the less. And this morning after a quick trip to Starbucks he dropped me off at the train before heading to the airport himself. And with a smile on my face I sit here enjoying a nice relaxing train ride back up North thinking that maybe there is something to this destination dating after all! This morning we discussed the possibility of date number three being down in Dana Point. Halfway between our two cities, and right on the water so we can kayak to the tide pools and explore some caves up around Laguna… The only question is- can two people from two far away cities who both have commitment issues manage to throw caution to the wind and actual try dating? I don’t know the answer to that one yet, and for once I’m going to take my time before jumping into anything, but for now I sure am going to enjoy finding out that answer!

Once upon a time...

Now we all know how much I love birthdays, especially mine. And every year I kind of try and one up myself with how to celebrate it… but if you had told me that I would start celebrating this years with a whirlwind 24 hour first date I would have laughed at you… if you had then told me that it would be with someone I went to Green Elementary with, I would have known you were making something up. Add the fact that he’s the younger brother of one of my friends would put you maybe in the crazy category. And if you had told me that I had only previously hung out with him for roughly 30 minutes 2 months ago, and that he would drive up from San Diego to go to Disneyland than I would have said you were insane… But I would definitely have had you committed if you had told me I had a fantastic time! But it would be the truth…So here is a top ten list from one of the most fun first dates… and seeing as he does occasionally read my blogs (as does his brother!) I can’t kiss and tell (though he did ask that I put in that the first kiss was on Mr. Toads Wild Ride!) here are the 10 highlights of my date with Mr. Green:

10) ROCK BAND- The previous evening he was given the choice of a night out at crazy trendy LA hotspots or staying in and playing Rock Band with 7 of my girlfriends. And he actually chose to stay in and geek it out with the rest of us. First point in his favor!

9) Getting stuck right at the end of the Haunted Mansion. Seriously we were at the exit but couldn’t get off the ride! Too funny… and such my luck. Though we found a way to pass the time…

8) My fortune(s) at the candy store… First fortune- NO FORTUNE. Wasted 50 cents to be told I have no Fortune… like I needed that prediction. Ok I thought I’ll try another fortune teller. I listened while the girl in front of me read hers, all about how she’s about the meet the man of her dreams… yes I thought, this one’s my machine! And guess what came out: NOTHING once again!!! Seriously I’m even cursed at Disneyland.

7) Turkey Leg- ok it tasted like ham and the skin was nasty… but seriously who on a date has a leg of meat the size of their head! Though the McDonalds French fries were a close second! Junk food- YAY!

6) Being only 2 people- seriously here’s a plus for being a couple, we got to skip ahead in all the lines… YAY! And fast pass works great, except you can’t get more than one at a time! But oddly enough the lines weren’t too bad, and although we did miss Space Mountain we at least got to ride everything else at least once!

5) Pirates Lair on Tom Sawyer Island- Ok this is possibly the best thing ever- caves, treasures, bridges, a tree house, a boat ride… And although I realize that it’s really just for the kids, it’s also fun for those kids at heart.

4) Watching him get heckled at the Sword and the Stone… nothing like watching your date get emasculated in front of a bunch of kids to really make you smile.

3) Poison Apple Shots from the bartender at Downtown Disney. So I made the mistake of asking the bartender to make me a really fun shot with a horrible Disney name- oh my! 3 shots later and we were DRUNK!

2) Having someone equally as geeky to geek it out with me! Nothing would have been worse than having someone look at me like I was crazy as I skipped and bounced my way through the park. And although he did tease me like crazy he allowed me to turn into the 6 year old Disney Princess that I have hidden inside me… letting me stalk characters, take pictures of me and EVERYTHING, ride my favorite rides twice, share junk food with me all day, go with me to Snow Whites’ Castle and my wishing well but basically just put up with a smiley, giggly, loud, spastic, childish me! He got mad props for making it through the entire day!

1) And the top thing on the list would be getting my birthday wish under the fireworks… but sorry guys that story is just for me!

525,600 minutes...how do you measure a year in the life?

As I sit here on the eve of my birthday I got to thinking about this last year… All the changes. Some subtle…some dramatic. All the events, places I’ve visited, people I’ve met, boys I’ve loved, friends I’ve lost… It’s been a wild and crazy ride!

I should have known that my year was going to be topsy turvy- after all it got kick started in July with amazing events and a tragedy or two… A trip to Arizona with Alissa for my birthday started out awesome- can’t kiss and tell for her but let’s just say between the two of us it ended up with multiple guys, lots and lots of shots (plus some Donkey Drunk Love Punch Juice- don’t ask!), some dancing, a little vomiting in a bar, a lot of making out, and an offer to get a hotel room down the street to finish the party! But the evening of insanity was followed by a morning of sadness as I got the call from one of my parents best friends who couldn’t wake up her husband… so they day was spent watching their granddaughter as my mother dealt with their relatives and my father helped deal with the coroner (thanks Alissa for helping me sit even though you were hungover as hell! We returned to LA for a birthday brunch filled with Mimosas and surfing kicking off the actual day and with a party to follow with all my closest and dearest... even a few birthday friends up from San Diego and down from San Francisco (one, Mr. High School even became another “Mr.” on my list!) Everything seemed right to kick off another great year. And then 2 weeks later I broke my nose surfing and I think everything kind of went down hill from there! Though around that time my future boyfriend was born, so all in all not too bad of a month… that poor kid will grow up with me as his Aunt and his future girlfriends will get the line “But I got to hold him when he was only a few hours old!”

August found me with a new nose and down in San Diego for two trips- even won 6 dollars at the race track- Thanks Erika for putting up with my insane happiness over 6 dollars! Back in Los Angeles after finishing up on Cloverfield I started working for this INSANE producer, and the wild ride began again! But mainly the month was spent in the sun, not surfing since I couldn’t but laying around trying to get that damn bump to go down!

September came and went without too much excitement, a few boys came and went but as my mom likes to say- No one to write home about! I did do my first Marathon- well sort of. I did the Boston Walking Marathon (trust me I think it’s harder to walk the marathon route than it is to run it! That heartbreak hill is a KILLER!) and in October I finally headed back to New York, but this time unfortunately for the funeral of one of the greatest woman I know… While I was there I got to visit the old NYU haunts and hang out with my east coast friends Sara and Jenny that I never get to see and spend a little time over at the New York Film Festival where the bane of my existence was being premiered!

November was a sad month for me- the trusty Blazer went up in smoke! Luckily I was able to upgrade to my sexy Escape! And somewhere around August I reconnected with Mr. Wyoming but lucky around the time I got my car we see him exit for good!

December was good and bad to me. I headed back to Ohio and Arizona for Christmas. It was a really horrible trip- and I had given up liquor to fit into a bikini for Hawaii so it was doubly horribly!!! And at this junction we finally see the exit of Mr. Arizona… and for all of you that have been following my saga with him over the years you might be interested in knowing he should have a new name now- Mr. Wisconsin and Mr. Father! But thankfully I am not the girl he got pregnant (though not for lack of trying while I was home for Christmas) and he has moved back home with his “fiancée”, is unemployed and living in his father’s house. As my Dad put it- I sure did dodge a bullet with that one! But I digress… back to my recap! Right after Arizona I was able to leave for what I thought was 7 days in heaven (AKA the Big Island of Hawaii with Janice and Stitz… and the Boomers! Oh it was heaven all right, but we got stuck for 11 days in heaven and were only able to leave the Island after buying another airplane ticket- this time a very expensive one! But while I was there I got to swim, snorkel, hike, rock climb, hike rain forests and active volcanoes, play with turtles and babies, lay in the sun, hitch hike with crazy locals and tourists, sip champagne and skinny dip for New Years and basically just enjoy the best life has to offer (It was an amazing trip… only to be toped by Jamaica in 2 months!)

Now the start of the New Year and the last 6 months have kind of passed in a blur… Everyone is sick of hearing about Mr. NakedBartender and frankly I’m so sick of talking about him… so if you want the recap read the numerous blogs but basically fell in love, found out he was cheating on me with everything that move (and trust me some of them were DOGS), had his ex/current mistress go crazy and accuse me of everything under the sun, then got posted topless on craigslist with my actual phone number under the erotic services section, got my heart broken, but then finally fell out of love with him. But he wasn’t a total loss… I did get to go to Vegas and check off two things on my list of things to do (get caught having sex in a National Park… and the girl who hate’s BJ’s got to give one while NakedBartender was driving my car down the Sunset Strip- hey when a man says I love you and you are drunk everything seems like a good idea!)… We also had a horrible trip to Chicago- and although it rained I would have loved to enjoy the city but instead got stuck in the hotel with a grumpy male that only wanted to complain about everything in life… And I will have to use my Dad’s expression about him here too: You really dodged a bullet with that one too! And as you know around this time came the return of two ex’s- Mr. Baby R and Mr. Brazil… this first was a short visit and the second is here to stay. And oddly am actually missing him now that he’s in India for the rest of the summer- but hey at least I get pictures of Monkeys!

And just when I though things couldn’t get worse than unemployed and exposed on the internet I managed to deal myself the worst blow- with a shot and a lemon I managed to get myself Salmonella Poisoning! And 3 weeks and 4 different medications later I’m still trying to recover… but am looking forward to the last year of my 20’s! I spent last weekend relaxing with old friends, drinking one too many beers (and taste testing my Vodkas), swimming in the pool (plus a water gun fight or two), playing rock band (like the spastic retard that I am) and enjoying life on the 4th! This week I’ve planed an insane time to celebrate the start of the end… Vodka tasting (and requisite Rock band) tonight, Disneyland tomorrow (with fireworks. YAY!), Surfing and Margaritas at the Beach on Thursday, SAKE BOMING Thursday night with my girls to celebrate my yearly milestone, and then Saturday my girls from Green and Uni are coming up for an afternoon of fun by the pool and a night out for my birthday!

All in all it’s been an insane year… but haven’t they all been! But let me tell you, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at the moment. I’ve got some great friends in my life (and even some awesome guys I can rely on!). A trip to Jamaica planed in September and hopefully a float trip at the end of the month. I’m once again wearing a bridesmaid dress in August at the wedding of my closest friend since 2nd grade… and who care that I’m going dateless! Erika and my parents are accompanying me, and we plan to drink and dance the night away! So I’m ready to turn 29… optimistic, hopefully, and dare I say it- HAPPY!