True Destination Dating

Over the last week I’ve spent some time getting to know Mr. Green a little bit better. Which has been hard seeing as I live in Los Angeles and he lives in San Diego, and was even further away in Las Vegas for a long weekend. So “getting to know” mainly consisted of emails, myspacing, facebooking, iming, and drunk text messaging… which you know is never a good thing early on when you are trying to get to know someone! And which of course lead me to where I am right now- Early Monday morning on the train coming up from San Diego. Oh yes, after a weekend of drunken texting we decided to make date number two in San Diego… Some thing decided while he was drunk on Friday night and I was exhausted from too many birthday celebrations. The timing worked out perfectly, I would be able to drive down with friends that were in town on Sunday afternoon and then take the train back up on Monday morning (his treat of course!)… So really having nothing to lose, I hoped into the car with my girls for a road trip and jaunted down for the day.

Now I came down to San Diego on Sunday with little expectations. After all we don’t really know each other yet, he’s a proven player (and as I was reminded by a friend Saturday I myself have spent the summer enjoying dating and the single life a little too much), the younger brother of one of my guy friends, 4 years younger than me and way too similar to the type of guys that I usually date- which we all know always ends up in a ball of flame somewhere down the line. But once again Mr. Green surprised me and we had a great time on what can only be described another unconventional date. The first one was a 25 hour whirlwind in Los Angeles and Disneyland and the 2nd one turned out to be 12 hours in San Diego consisting of: meeting him at the airport with his brother (since his flight was an hour delayed getting out of Vegas), dinner (Thai food, cute place, extra points for sharing food), watching the sun set over the ocean in Pacific Beach (another extra point for indulging me in my romantic notions and keeping me warm), doing his laundry (very romantic I know, but I was there in the only 12 hour window he had between playing with the boys in Vegas and a working trip in Chicago so we didn’t deduct points for that one), a jaunt to La Jolla to pick up my stuff from a friend (and his third set of points for not complaining about going especially since there was the possibility of me getting us lost finding her place) and then finally back to his place to watch a movie and pass out after a long exhausting weekend. Not your conventional date, but a memorable one none-the less. And this morning after a quick trip to Starbucks he dropped me off at the train before heading to the airport himself. And with a smile on my face I sit here enjoying a nice relaxing train ride back up North thinking that maybe there is something to this destination dating after all! This morning we discussed the possibility of date number three being down in Dana Point. Halfway between our two cities, and right on the water so we can kayak to the tide pools and explore some caves up around Laguna… The only question is- can two people from two far away cities who both have commitment issues manage to throw caution to the wind and actual try dating? I don’t know the answer to that one yet, and for once I’m going to take my time before jumping into anything, but for now I sure am going to enjoy finding out that answer!

Does Great Passion Become Love... or Disaster?

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart."
Meet Joe Black

Over the past year I have slowly learned that the passion and fire I once craved has turned into my greatest blind spot. I have always had tumultuous relationships. And I thought that the great passion that I had with these men meant that I was embarking on a great love affair. Just when I began to realize the fallacy of that statement it seemed as if a miracle had happened and Mr. Wyoming and I got back together earlier this year. Our tumultuous past had disappeared with all the months that had past. Instead of our constant fighting we got along smoothly. No arguing. No disagreements. No fireballs of problems. Though with the end of our fighting came the end of our passion. You know the kind where you can't see enough of each other and after a moment together you are tearing each other’s clothes. Usually that’s the kind of relationship that I care, and more often than not I get it. But this time around what I craved was that breakfast in bed and that movie together on a rainy night. With this change I start to think well then maybe this is love. Except that I’ve found I do need some of that passion. And I finally let him walk out of my life for good (ok know I’ve said this over and over, but I always MEAN it when I say it and I do mean it, again). I even thought it was kind of ironic that as he left my bedroom last week - Goodbye my lover was playing on my stereo. It seems like even James Blunt knew it was time for us to finally end!

But now I find myself at a crossroads. I’ve been hanging out a lot with Mr. My Harry. Even been toying with the idea of trying to convince him to give us that shot that we never had. With him I also don’t have that passion! But he’s someone that I love. And what more can you want than to be dating one of your best friends. But turns out you do need a little of that passion to make it work. And sadly it looks like we really are destined to just be friends.

But the real news of the week is that I have gone through a full circle and once accepted a date with Mr. Arizona. I will be going home to Arizona for Christmas and with those trips it always brings me back to him. And with him we still have the fire (we seem to argue every time we talk!) but the question is do we have anything besides that. I still don’t know if I can get over what happened in the beginning of last year. He’s been trying really hard to make me believe he’s sorry. But I’m worried that that is all it is. Just him making me believe VS him actually being sorry. Our fire has always equals great sex, but sex does not a relationship make. Why can't I have that fire and passion but also that loving stable relationship? It seems that passion only leads to a fireball of disasters, at least in my experience. But at the same time stable relationships usually just slowly fizzle out. Is there something in-between or is that just the myth that we single woman choose to believe? And at what point do we need to start to settle? At 27? At 30? At 40?

The end of another romance...

“There are plenty of good ways to break up with someone
and it doesn't include a Post-It.”
Sex and the City

Carrie Bradshaw might have gotten a post-it, but all I got was a text message. Which actually was fitting since Mr. Arizona and I spent more time text messaging than we did in person, that's what happens when you date someone in a different state. I’m not surprised the break up happened. I knew it was never going to work out. He lived a state away and neither of us wanted anything long distance. I always knew he would start to see someone else, after all he starting seeing me when he had a girlfriend. I always knew it was casual. I even spent Saturday night getting to know Mr. Brazil a little better. But surprisingly it still hurt. I always thought that if he and I ever got our shit together at the same time we would work out. Turns out we both were ready for a relationship at the same time, the only problem was I was ready for one with him and he was ready for one with someone else. We always did have bad timing.

As I sit here once again in the Phoenix airport and drowning my sorrows (and a few tears) in my beer I started to think about the men in my life. The one’s I’ve thrown away, the ones that have thrown me away, and those few that have stuck with me through all of them. I’ve met some amazing guys, and some not so amazing guys, but I’ve never met Mr. Right. I’ve meet Mr. Right now but the actual Mr. Right has alluded me. Normally a break-up would have me giving up hope that my true soul mate is out there, but I spent the weekend with two couples that showed me what it really means to be in love, my parents and my grandparents. I flew out to Ohio over the weekend to spend time with my family and to be there while my grandmother had surgery. It wasn’t a major surgery, but she’s been in bad health so any surgery turns into a major operation.

My grandfather refused to eat while my grandmother was in surgery. Even after she was in recovery he wouldn’t eat until she woke up. We sat there from 6 in the morning until she woke up at 2 that afternoon. Everyone coming and going to pass the time. But he wouldn’t budge. And you should have seen his face when she finally woke up. It was an expression of true love that I’ve never seen. And as soon as he got to her side, she grabbed him around the neck, pulled him towards her, and gave him a romantic only seen in the movies kiss. After 60 years they are just falling more and more in love with each other every day. And while she slept he just sat there staring at her face. One hand holding hers and the other rubbing her hair. The rest of us read, and talked, and watched TV. But he would just sit there and watch her. Her guardian angel.

That night I watched my parents leave the hospital holding hands. After 40 years they can’t go more than a few minutes without touching each other. Last weekend they had to sleep on couches since there weren’t enough beds for everyone. But they refused to sleep on separate couches. Instead they even slept head to foot on the couch so they can fit. I asked my mom, why not sleep apart. She responded, we don’t sleep apart. It’s amazing that after all those years they still crave each other’s touch.

After spending time with them I realized soul mates really do exist. Sometimes you find your soul mate when you are in kindergarten, sometimes you find them right next door, and sometimes they find you when you least expect it.