Once Upon A Time There Was A Unicorn and a Turtle...

Every family will have it's eccentricities. Little quirks that make you laugh at family reunions but things that you hope your romantic partners don't ever know about. Mine would be the Family Unicorn and Turtle. Now I know what you are thinking, there are no such things as Unicorns and why would I be worried about a Turtle? Now the Turtle is a taxidermist stuffed turtle and the unicorn is this hideous marble head. When I was growing up these two things were passed between members of the family as a joke. You never know when you would get shipped a Christmas centerpiece with the turtle as Santa and the unicorn as Rudolph. Or you'd come home to a postcard of the Turtle floating in the Mediterranean in just a little turtle speedo. Basically two White Elephant Jokes gone wrong... This week while organizing all my pictures I came across a road trip that I made up to SLO when I was just out of college...

Best little navigator ever... though I think he's confused, a few too many maps.

And apparently my little unicorn was lonely until he fell in love with a goat!

Until the goat had to say goodbye...

Home is where the Hardt it!

As much as I love to travel there is something to be said about coming home... and after being away for three months I spent this week just coming home... and by home I meant that I spent the week tasting, touching, smelling and falling back in love with the ocean. There are no words that can express what this week and this water has done for me... so here's the pictures from the week. You might not be able to taste the salt in your mouth but if you look long enough you just may feel that ocean breeze in your hair.

Top 10 places to eat in Los Angeles

On hearing that a friend of mine has been living in Los Angeles for almost 4 years and still hasn’t tried more than a handful of restaurants I devised yet another top ten list to get him out of the Valley and into the belly of Los Angeles. Or should I say get Los Angeles into his Belly. Here’s the list. My pick for top 10 restaurants in Los Angeles…. In no particular order.

1) Benitos Tacos.
The closest that you can get to Humbertos in Los Angeles, with 3 convenient locations (at least to my apartment that is) that stay open late so you can get a burrito or rolled tacos when heading home from the bars…or on those Sunday mornings when there isn’t much else open. Prices comparable to the best of the “taco shops”. This is not tex-mex but good old Southern California version of Mexican. Don’t expect margaritas or table cloths at this place. This is basically a taco truck indoors, and equally as good.
http://benitos.com/

2) Cha Cha Chicken.
Right next to the beach, this place looks, feels, sounds and will have you believing that you really are sitting right off a Caribbean beach drinking a mai tai (minus the mai tai and the incredibly blue crystal clear water!). The food is amazing, and I would recommend the Cha Cha Jerk Chicken (of course) but extra spicy is the best ! In fact you will probably want to get a container of their sauce to go, it last for about a month in the fridge and you can make your own jerk chicken. Though their dirty beans and rice are also orgasm worthy… best part of it, is the short hop to the beach making it a perfect Saturday destination. Though it’s a little pricier than what you would expect from a beach shack, its worth every little cent! http://www.chachachicken.com/ 1906 Ocean Ave., Santa Monica Ca. 90405

3) Big Mikes.
If you are looking for the best Philly Cheese Steak outside of Philly than this is the place for you. Located right off the strip in Hermosa it’s perfect to fill you up after a day of volleyball and sun. This possibly will have one of the best sandwiches that you’ve ever had in your life!!!! Big Mike’s is so down low that it doesn’t even have a website, yet the line is always around the block!
1314 Hermosa Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254

4) Primitivo Wine Bistro
The one is the BEST place in Los Angeles. It also has the prices to back that up. Not for an everyday destination, but for special occasions it’s the perfect place to celebrate with wine and tapas. Their cheese plate is the best (it’s now only on the desert menu but you can order it as part of your meal too), the second best is their steak frites and fries (the sauce you will want to lick off the plate it’s so good), and the third is their tiramisu (though they also have this amazing rum ice cream that I’ve only tasted better actually in Jamaica with our private chef).
http://www.primitivowinebistro.com/ 1025 Abbot Kinney Blvd., Venice, CA 90291

5) Brazilian Exotic Foods
This is the mom and pop shop, without the pop. It’s a pretty much female run business and will make you feel like you are sitting down to eat with your grandma cooking, this is if you grandma was a little Brazilian lady. There is no set menu, and it changes every day. Try their version of Papricosh Chicken (it will be this cream chicken thing that will look disgusting and is just a little paradise in your mouth).
http://brazilianexoticfoods.com/ 3300 Overland Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90034

6) Diddy Riese.
You can’t go wrong with 1.50 ice cream sandwiches. You pick your choice of fresh baked cookie and then your choice of ice cream. My personal favorite is M&M Cookie with Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. This place is actually perfect on the hot Santa Anna nights when you can’t sleep and nothing you do can cool you off…
http://diddyriese.com/home.php 926 Broxton Avenue, Westwood, CA 90024

7)Paradise Cove
Definitely over priced for the food but the ambience is worth every penny, though I have to say their spicy grilled chicken sandwich (order it with avocado added onto it) and amazing curly fries make it a perfect brunch place. But really the reason you go is for your mimosas that you can drink with your feet literally in the sand (though their strawberry mojitos are also worth it!). Now this one is perfect after an early morning hike in Coral Canyon!
http://www.paradisecovemalibu.com/ 28128 Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA 90265

8)The Counter.
Best burger in the city… though really it’s the burger bowl that I go for. This is a build your own which has high class choice of toppings. My fav is the burger bowl with feta cheese, avocado and the best honey mustard dressing. And you can’t eat a burger without their sweet potato fries!
A party in your mouth!!!!
http://www.thecounterburger.com/

9)Fords Filling Station.
Comfort food with a high class twist. Though I think any place that you can choose what kinds of meat and what kinds of cheeses you want on your platter is AOK in my book! But even better than the cheese and meat plate is the bacon wrapped Brussels sprouts. Your mouth will be watering even weeks later!
http://www.fordsfillingstation.net/ 9531 Culver Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90232

10)C&O Tratorria
Two locations right next to each other in Venice, it’s the best Italian place in town. Though what I like even better than the food, better than the wine, better than the garlic knots is the fact that they hand out lyrics so everyone can sing along on busy nights! You can’t go wrong with a good ole sing along.
http://www.cotrattoria.com/ 31 Washington Boulevard, Marina Del Rey, CA 90292

Now the problem with putting together the 10 best places is that you can’t narrow it down to just 10… so here are the runner ups.

Tie for Runner Up in best Mexican Category:
-Titos Tacos- You have to get the tacos here, they are simple, greasy, cheap and with tons of cheese!
http://www.titostacos.com/ 11222 Washington Place, Culver city, CA 90230
-Chipotle- build your own burrito! The only chain restaurant on the list but so worth it. Only didn’t make the top because it’s a bit pricier than the other taco stands. But that’s what you get when you are owned by the McDonald’s Corporation.
http://www.chipotle.com/#/land

Tie Runner Up for best Sandwich:
-Bay Cities Deli. What looks like the normal sandwich shop is really one of the yummiest places in the city. Tons and tons of meat, heapings of cheese, two great pieces of bread and all the condiments you want!
http://baycitiesitaliandeli.com/ 1517 Lincoln Blvd., Santa Monica, CA 90401
-Portos Bakery- now most people go there for their Cuban style sandwiches. I go there for their Potato Balls. Meaty goodness mixed with velvety mashed potatoes fried up to golden perfection. Best thing in the world!!!
http://www.portosbakery.com/

Runner Up for best view:
-Moon Shadows. This place is unbelievable over priced, but the view is amazing. My favorite time is to go it later at night on really storm nights. The place is practically empty, and you look out on the ocean watching the rain and the crazy waves. Add to that a glass of wine and once again a good cheese plate (yea I know there is probably a theme to this!)
http://www.moonshadowsmalibu.com/ 20356 Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, Ca 90265

Runner up for best comfort food:
-Baby Blues- Unreal Southern BBQ food with once again another sauce you would lick! This place is a little more than a counter with a few tables, which is why there is always a line and a short wait. But it’s beyond worth it.
http://www.babybluesvenice.com/#/home 444 Lincoln blvd, Venice, CA 90291

Runner up for best burger:
-Ricks on Main. Tuesday and Wednesday’s are Burger Madness. For 6 dollars you get a huge burger and huge bucket of fries (now mind you it use to be 5 dollars for burger, fries and a beer but hey we’ve all been hit by the economy.)
2907 Main Street, Santa Monica, CA, 90405

Runner up for best date place:
-World Café. Best Hummus in the city- with a platter of veggies and bread. Also an amazing spicy chicken penne. But the reason to go is to sit outside enjoying the weather with all the twinkly Christmas lights and enjoying a nice bottle of wine.
http://worldcafela.com/ 2820 Main St , Santa Monica, CA 90405

Runner up for best desert:
-Nickel dinner- since you love bacon on everything they actually have a bacon DONUT!
http://5cdiner.com/ 524 S. Main St. , Los Angeles CA 90013

Tie for Runner up for best Brunch:
-Rose Cafe- Not only amazing amazing mimosas but you can get croissants with brie.
http://www.rosecafe.com/ 220 Rose Ave., Venice, CA
-Ponchos- Mexican brunch with bottomless free champagne and mimosas!
http://www.panchosrestaurant.com/ 3615 Highland Avenue, Manhattan Beach CA. 90266

Monkeys jumping on my bed!

Over the years people have to come to know my currents and ex’s, almost as intimately as I have, through my blogs… they have their favorites, the ones they hate, the ones they root for. And since more often than not I’m complaining about an ex, I thought I’d share the current ex that is amusing me the most- Mr. X, of course. Now he’s been in India for a week and a half, and as a joke I asked him to bring me back a monkey. In fact have told him that the only way that he will find his way back into my bedroom when he returns from India will be if he brings me that said monkey… and so last week the pictures of Monkeys began. And I have to say I get a smile on my face when once a day I get new pictures of monkey… so I thought I would share with you my favorite pictures so that maybe you too can have a smile on your face (the best is the one where you can see him also taking the picture on his I-phone and it looks like the monkey’s about to attack him!)

Enjoy my monkeys!

Don't always judge a book by it's cover...

When everyone thinks of Havasu what they think of is an endless party filled with topless girls, orgies, stripper poles and Copper Canyon... what they don't see is the beauty of the place. It has the most amazing sunsets and equally amazing sunrises if you can get up early enough to see one. There is something about the mix of blue water and red mountains all around it that makes it just breath taking. This was my favorite spot in all of Havasu. It's a 20 minute hike to get here from the Estuary but worth it. Sometimes you find what you are looking for in the place that you least expected it. The trick is to just let go of any expectations, any ideas of what you want, any plans you have and learn to just appreciate what is in front of you. Because sometimes you may just be surprised what you find when you go a little bit off your well beaten path!

Here is my little spot of paradise in the middle of chaos...

Best of the Worst in Vegas...

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Lake Havasu Dive Bar #2- Desert Martini

The Desert Martini
2120 McCulloch Blvd N
Lake Havasu City AZ Phone

(928) 855-1818

Rating: On a scale of 1 – 4 shots
Overall- 4 Shots

Atmosphere- 4 Shots. This is a very very tiny bar. Reminds me of something you would see in an Old Western Town. It looks like everything has been up since the 80’s and will remain that way until the place closes. In fact it looks like the decade may have climber up here and died. Neon Signs hanging from the walls, a lone fish tank with the most random assortment of larger fish in it with a replica of a very large swordfish handing next to it, an old school popcorn maker... Basically any random thing you can imagine has found a home here at the Martini. Everything may be random, and yet it all fits together.

Local Crowd- 4 shots. This place had one of the younger more normal crowds I’ve seen in Havasu. Always packed, yet seems to empty out later in the night leaving the place nice and open to play the variety of games.

Potential Activities- 4 Shots. With Pool Tables, Shuffle Board, 2 dart boards and of course the requisite jukebox it has it all. And all is free, which makes it even better!

Drinks- 4 Shots. The special is the Desert Martini- A beer with an olive in it. Sounds nasty but in fact is really tasty, even for people like me that don’t like olives!

Food- 3 Shots. Although there isn’t any real food the popcorn is fresh and unbelievably tasty, salty and buttery. Just perfect to go with a cold beer.

Bartenders- 4 Shots. The owner is great and always ready to chat and make it feel like your own little cheers.

Overall this was one of my favorites in Havasu. Located in between two other bars it was always a great way to end the evenings!

Havasu Dive Bar #1- The Office cocktail Lounge

The Office Cocktail Lounge
2180 Acoma Blvd W,
Lake Havasu City, AZ 86403
Phone (928) 855-9583

Rating: On a scale of 1 – 4 shots
Overall- 3 Shots

Atmosphere- 3 Shots. The inside is very divey, but the outside has a great patio, with flat screen tv’s, nice misters and pool table. The Office definitely has a sports bar theme to it. All around a great place to watch the game outside while having a beer.

Local Crowd- 2 Shots. Some days are down right empty, but others are packed (especially when the Piranha Crew comes rolling by). And although the locals were a little hard at this bar, they didn’t bother the actors on the show (except for a few Step Brother Quotes).

Potential Activities- 3.5 Shots. Darts in the corner. Pool tables both inside and outside. A juke box that will actually play the music you pay for without too much wait.

Drinks- 3 Shots. I know there are other choices of drinks here but my favorite are the little mini-pitchers of Beer. GREAT prices (Only about 7 dollars for a mini-pitcher of Hef) and includes the nice little cooler sticks.

Food- 2 Shots. No real food, though they do have frozen pizzas and tons and tons of snack food.
Bartenders- 3 Shots. And yet another Havasu bar where the bartenders are pregnant. But on the plus side she was very nice about letting me leave my car in the parking lot over night. And judging by how full it still was when I went to get it at 7am I wasn’t the only one that enjoyed the Bartenders quick service!

Overall this was a great bar to hang out with, one of the first and one of my last of the dive bar events!

The Original Dive Bar Gang!

3 cops, some shots, a multi-million dollar houseboat and whole lot of sun!

Last weekend was insanely crazy…too much to go into details with so I thought I’d share a pictorial view of the weekend. Though to sum up what’s NOT in the picture here is a rundown of the weekend- Another Friday night at Kokomos and Martini bay that resulted in shots with our director, an invited on the houseboat for Saturday, more bull rides, taste testing new Piranha Shots, cops being called to the hot tub for what the neighbors thought was a domestic disturbance call (it was just us laughing at 2 am!), Jet Skiing on the lake, some time at the turtle, some time at heat, many meals, laughter, shots, sun, sand and fun. And now for the pictures!!!

The start of my Journey... and the first of my 3 boats I hopped on for the day! Enjoying my ride down the channel on the way to Cooper to meet up with the crew and the boats!
The camera boat. Yea the crew has it really hard and get Camera Boats instead of a dark camera truck. With Video Village under the awning. We were only shooting b unit for the opening credits but still had about 10 boats out there between basecamp, transpo, and crew boats.

Driving on of the crew guys boats around the lake... yes I seriously just boat hopped. And after dropping off the grips the boat was mine for the morning!

Brian and I put puting around the lake

Lazy Saturday's in Havasu... getting use to this life

The crew setting up for a shoot on top of the canyon. Yes some people had to work, just not me! They even had to climb up the top of the mountain with all their gear, while we watched from the boat and getting some sun.

The boys enjoying the boobs in the Canyon. You can see some of the dumb ass kids diving off the rocks in the background!

Crazy kids at Cooper Canyon. Look closely and you can probably see all the girls in Pasties. Let me tell you no one looks good in pasties!

More of the Cooper Canyon Party

The House Boat... yea it's a rough life I have! It was supposed to be used for basecamp but seeing as the crew was stuck in the canyon for the day it was just the four of us stowaways enjoying the sun!

Grill Saturdays!

Perfect View!

One of the 4 bedrooms!

View from the master bedroom

Living Room complete with flat screen TV

Kitchen and Living Room

Hot tub on the top

Yes it even has a slide! Brian was the only one brave enough to get in the cold water without a wetsuit!

Hardt, the Puma.

I don’t know where to start on my weekend… so I guess I will start at the beginning- Friday.

Friday Night- After a very exciting first week of work I decided some steam needed to be blown off with the new co-workers. After work we stumbled down to the hotel bar for some drinks. Or at least that was the plan. Instead we ended up with shot after shot after shot at Martini Bay and then headed over to Kokomos (the spring break crazy club at the resort) and managed some more shots and a few rides on the bull. And yes I rode the bull. And yes I was so sore yesterday from it, complete with bruises and marks. Once the room started to spin it was time for some much needed food in my belly (Jack In the Box of course!) and bed. All in all a fun night, a bit crazy but a great way to bond with the co-workers.

Testosterone Saturday-Now I started the day off with a raging hangover but luckily was able to rev it up enough for a ride on the jet skis… which was amazing. There is something completely freeing being out there on the lake, wind in my hair and just going as fast as possible over all the bumps and waves. And yes I did get even sorer after that ride but it was so worth it. Not only did I have a blast doing it, it felt good to know that I was able to keep up with 3 23 year old boys out there! After the jet skis we went for a short dip in the pool (with beers of course) and then headed out on the Pontoon boat for the rest of the afternoon. 4 hours later I think I have finally seen all of Lake Havasu, and I have to say it’s spectacular!!! We docked in Cooper Canyon for awhile.

Cooper Canyon

And if you’ve never been it’s something that’s impossible to describe. All the boats tie up to each other and join in on the party boats with the dj’s and it’s just a big drunk spring break mess. Everyone is just dancing in their bathing suits, though with a lot of the girls that suit was just PASTIES. Yes it seems outside of the stripper world girls do wear those out, and in Lake Havasu it seems to be completely normal that all the girls are just wearing pasties. The other appeal of Cooper Canyon is the cliff jumping. You climb up the cliffs by a tow rope, get to the highest point and just jump. It was summed up perfectly by one of the guys I was with: “Water just shot up my ass. I literally was raped by Lake Havasu”. After mooring there for a bit we headed over to the Naked Turtle where I found the best bar in Havasu. It’s this Tiki bar out on the island, complete with rum drinks and Jimmy Buffet!

Naked Turtle

After the Naked Turtle it was home to the hotel to get changed before my night out with the boys. And by boys I mean it was me and 6 boys for the night. Yes my odds were good! We started back at the Naked Turtle but then quickly progressed to Midget Wrestling. Yes you read that right, we went to midget wrestling. And it wasn’t like I thought, little Midgets wrestling each other. Instead it was some crazy jackass style fighting. Complete with a midget drinking his own pee, one showing how he can do doggie style like the best of them (standing up!). stapling dollar bills to each other’s heads and tongues (complete with Midget Blood) and then fighting with props (sledgehammer, trash can, chairs). All in all it was the most extreme and most disgusting thing I have seen in a really long time! Seriously not what I expected and something that I hope to NEVER see again. Luckily they were offering PBR’s pint size for only 3 dollars, though I have to say I didn’t have enough to actual be able to stand Midget Wrestling. After that we all were a little off, so we headed back over the bridge to Kokomos where I partied with the 23 year olds until 2 (complete with another bull ride), did a little hot tubing until 3 and then it was off to bed. All in all a great weekend and am exhausted. Nap time for poor little Hardt…

Top 10 things to do while in Phoenix

1. Camel Back Mountain
Best Hiking in Phoenix... A little over 2 hours to the top. Make sure its done on a cool day. The first hour is a mild hike- the second hour is just rock climbing! Most amazing thing to do in town but only for experienced hikers, so you may need to condition first ;)

2. Greasewood Flats
http://www.greasewoodflat.net/
Biker Bar Extraordinaire... Its an outdoor dive- good burgers, nice beer, just hope you don't have to use the restroom! But there's a dance floor with live music from Thursday through Sunday. And there are bonfires at most tables to warm you up on those cold nights in July. Although its mainly a biker bar you will see the occasional celebrity in town!

3. Farrelli's Cinema Supper Club
http://www.farrellis.com/
Although it sounds like on of the lesser fun things on the list, its a fantastic date night or a way to stay cool in the summer. A dinner movie theater in Scottsdale, usually first run movie with great food and fantastic wine!

4. At One Yoga
For after those long stressful days when you just need to unwind try a class at At One. If you want the most intense workout you have ever been thru take the power yoga class from the owner... you might not be able to walk for days but your body will thank you for it in the end!

5. Salt River
Grab some friends and a cooler of beer and head tubing... You can rent Inner tubes down at the river for a couple of bucks. They will shuttle you up to the top of the river and you can float down for a couple of hours depending on how fast the current is!

6. Downtown Scottsdale
Scottsdale is a cute little town... go during the day and you can stock up on overprices souvenirs and cool Indian jewelry and house wares But at night its the hot spot to go. Martini Ranch is great for live music and a more upscale evening- Its usually got a couple of dance floors going and plenty of room both indoor and outdoor to dance. But if you are looking for a little wilder crowd head to Dos Gringos (http://www.dosgringosaz.com/) or Sugar Daddy's.

7. Tempe Town Lake
Not quite the ocean but rent a kayak or a sailboat for the day and you can almost feel the salt air on your face! It's a small lake but fun if you want to walk or bike. There are a couple of sand "beaches" if you fell like laying out in the sun for the day.

8. Cave Creek
Its maybe a 40 minute drive from Phoenix but a little town with some fun things to do... Mostly an artsy community but great finds. Check out The Dump- best shopping in town! On your way out you have to try the Crazy Eds Chili Beer at The Black Mountain Brewing Company (http://www.chilibeer.com/). It is one beer you will NEVER forget!

9. Offroading
Rent a Jeep for the day and take a day trip into the mountains... if you don't feel up to driving yourself up in Sodona they have the Pink Jeep tours and someone else will drive you around for the day. Plan for a couple of hours out there and you will see everything from Coyotes to Indian Ruins!

10. Giligans Sand Bar.
When you first walk in it looks like any other dive bar. Until you start to look around and realize that it's all for midgets. Midget Bar. Midget Table. Midget Chairs. Even a Midget Sex Swing! There is the “shot” corner that is manned by midgets (I KID YOU NOT). There are two separate wheels, one that is just a wheel o booze and the other one that is a wheel o shots. There are two beer pong tables in the back corner. A strippers Pole. A man in an Obama Mask… oh the list goes on and on with the craziness of this bar. The only thing that was missing was a Beer Louge though I wouldn’t put it past them!