Life of a Standby Traveler on the busiest day of the year… AKA Hardt Hates Holiday Travel

4:30am Alarm goes off
4:35am Coffee
4:45am Second Cup of Coffee
5:30am Arrive at airport. Excited because there is no line at the kiosk so I can check in right away. Insert credit card into the machine- NO RESERVATION it says. Ok, I try looking it up by last name- NO RESERVATION it says. So I proceed directly to the ticket counter. YAY a reservation, turns out my mom couldn’t spell our last name right, it was just hart.
5:45am Stand in the longest line ever for security. Outside. Smack dab in the middle of a puddle. In the rain. With no umbrella. Yea I can already tell this is going to be a great day.
6:00am Make it through security, but am the asshole in the security line that forgot my cell phone in my pocket. Hold up line. Currently everyone is loving me!
6:30am First oversold flight takes off without me. Not a seat to be had… and of course all the monitors are out so I have to trek back through security to find out where my next gate is.
8:00am Third oversold flight of the day takes off, yea you can see a pattern here. Though have been enjoying watching all the angry people at the airport. Who can be this angry at only 8 in the morning! Though I have to say I don’t think it is wise to be an asshole to the ticket agents, especially if you are the one who is an hour late for your flight. But of course he got the last seat on the plan so maybe there is something to this yelling thing after all! Officially hate holiday travel!
8:15am Sitting outside waiting for Super Shuttle to take me from LAX to John Wayne Airport in Orange County. There is a seat on a plane for me...YAY!
8:20am Wondering if it’s too early for a drink?
8:30am Finally on the shuttle bus and we are listening to Christmas music. Things are looking up!
10:00am At John Wayne Airport, FINALLY. 2nd Airport. 2nd Security check point. And a new observation- these new divisions for security check points (family, casual and expert) really do not work. At both airports this morning the shortest lines were the family and liquid lines, and the longest lines were the expert traveler one (and everyone except me had liquids. To which I say- READ THE FREAKIN SIGNS PEOPLE!). But on a bright note I managed to gash my wrist with the ring I am wearing, so now am dripping blood and look like I attempted to kill myself!
11:11am Finally on airplane… getting very very sleepy… nap time!
11:30am Woken up from nap by the most insane turbulence. Half asleep but hear call button and emergency… at this point I’m ready to assume my position with my head between my legs and say a few hail marys if necessary.
1:15pm Finally off the airplane. Kiss the ground in Phoenix and am stumbling to the nearest bar…

Sometimes we just need rose colored glasses

This morning while trying to put the final touches on a new blog for my personal site (top 10 reasons why unemployment sucks) I started to poke around on the Internet and found an article that horrified me. A college student committed suicide live on a web cam over the weekend. Now I’m not going to link the website (in which the camera was only turned off when the police arrived to already find him dead) because I don’t think this guy deserves any more publicity. But here’s the thing, he not only died on camera but there were people that actually watched and were making comments on it while it was happening. And that’s the part that horrifies me the most. The fact that all these people had the ability to save this young kids life and instead they took time to make jokes and debate if he really had taken enough pills to die. I can’t imagine what this kid was going through, but obviously it was a cry for help and he was hoping that someone would save him. And no one cared enough about another human’s life to do anything about it. Mind you there were some that eventually did call the police, but only after it was too late. 12 hours after he said he was going to kill himself. And the website administrators were finally notified and were the ones to deal with the police. But you would think that they would have shut down the site, but no they not only allowed it to continue as people watching a college student already dead but they now have published photos and the video of what happened. The entire thing just disgust me on so many levels

It really got me to thinking that there is just so much negativity in the world. So much cynicism. So much narcissism. Sometimes all we need is a hug and to be told everything is going to be all right. Well I can’t tell you that everythings going to be all right and I don’t think my virtual hug is going to help much. But I can give you a list of everything that makes me smile. Ok it’s a little sappy. But sometimes we just need to turn up the optimism. So sitting here on my Saturday morning here’s everything that can bring a smile to my face. Maybe it will bring one to yours too. Maybe you will just sneer at it. Who knows. But for me, I’m going out with a grin!

- Evenings with my girlfriends full of laughter, wine, and cheese

- Sex on a lazy Saturday morning… Mmmmm enough said on that one!
- Afternoons spent on the beach with just a surfboard and a beer.
- The moment you land on vacation, when anything is possible.
- A Hug from my mother
- The first dip in ocean when you no longer need your wetsuit
- They way your heart skips a beat every time you hear his voice
- A great road trip with that really fantastic road trip mix
- Jumping in feet first, anywhere!
- A good book on a rainy afternoon
- Bruises and bite marks after a good weekend
- Sunday evenings spent in front of a fire, with a movie and someone to cuddle with.
- Saying I love you, and meaning it!
- The beep of a text message
- The first kiss, that really good one.
- A good debate.
- Cards in the mail. I get so much junk mail so that when someone sends me a card I’m in heaven. And if it’s a postcard from an exotic locale I will love them forever.
- Holding hands walking down the street
- The feel of the Arizona Sun on you.
- The smell of the ocean
- The way as soon as I see San Diego I feel like I’m finally home
- Being able to fit into a size jeans smaller than the last I bought
- Shoes. Best way to cheer me up is take me shoe shopping. Just put me in a pair of fuck me heels and I’m sold!
- That smile that just won’t go away after that perfect first date.
- Mimosas. Any day of the week!
- A good scary movie and someone whose lap I can jump into when I’m scared.
- When someone kisses the back of my shoulder when I’m sleeping…
- Skinny dipping.
- Watching the sun set over the ocean. Any ocean.
- A new hit on my blog.
- My camera… damn do I ever love taking pictures!
- Kickboxing. There is something about boxing all your demons out that really makes me smile!
- Finding 5 dollars in last years winter coat
- Getting a person on the phone instead of a recording when you call customer service.
- And pretty much anything involving my family and friends!!!

So go forth on your Saturday and smile to your hearts desire because there always is tomorrow to be cynical and jaded. Why not spend one day with your rose colored glasses on!

Cinderella goes to the ball!

Here is the story of how Mr. Military took this Cinderella to the ball, The United States Marine Corps Ball that is.

When Mr. Military found out that I would be down in San Diego for the weekend he invited me to be his guest as the Marine Corps Ball. He had suddenly this week found himself without a date and due to the fact that I look good in a cocktail dress and have an aversion to both guns and the military he thought that I would be a fun date. And I thought about men in white dress uniform looking dapper and sexy… well turns out that the Marine Corps has navy dress uniforms, and although the did look pretty dapper in the them with white gloves and little hats, I was most interested in the woman that they came with. Now these woman, military girlfriends and wives were a different sort than I was use to, and well a species all unto themselves. It was obvious that for many of them this was the highlight of their year… and it was painfully obvious that many of them were so young they thought of this ball as another prom or a glorified night out clubbing. The dresses ran the gamut from full on prom gowns (some complete with gloves and tacky plastic shoes!) to a white ballerina outfit (I kid you not it was a white corset top and a very shot tutu on the bottom) to a mermaid green skintight ass short dress that was more appropriate on a tranny hooking herself on Hollywood Blvd than a formal military ball.

But despite the inappropriateness of many of the dates what I walked away from the evening with was the deep sense of tradition that these men have. It was the 233rd Anniversary of the Marines, and with fitting of a “birthday” of this magnitude there were speeches and birthday cake! Though I did have to contain myself from laughing each time one of the men wished another happy birthday… Luckily Mr. Military finally explained it to me, otherwise I’m sure I would have made an idiot of myself and asked one of them about their “birthday”… But despite my confusion with some of the rituals (and my distaste for the Commandants speech, which seemed more like a recruiting video at it’s worst) I have to say my favorite part of the evening was the tradition of the cake. First I have to say that the cake is cut by an actually SWORD which is pretty freakin cool all by itself, but after it is cut the oldest marine in the squadron (Born September 20, 1961) took a bite and then passed it to the youngest marine (Born December 12, 1989). A passing of the sword so to speak. And maybe it might have been my exhausted, hungover and emotional state but it started to bring a tear to my eye.

Now though if the first part of the evening was about tradition and history the end part of was about youth and tackiness. Let me tell you about the dancing, more specifically let’s go back to my favorite hooker tranny wannabe in the mermaid dress who decided to try out her new stripper moves on the dance floor. She would have looked more appropriate dancing at Crazy Horse, but instead she was gyrating right in front of the commanding officers table. Pretty shortly after a few girl on girl moves a crowd had formed around her. And as I looked around the room you could see everyone staring at her with a horrified expression on their face, it was like a train wreck- you just couldn’t look away! But what caught my attention most was the Commanding Officers Wife. Unlike most of the woman in the room she was dressed with class, befitting an officer of his caliber and was busy trying to convince him to tell this woman to stop dancing. And seeing as he was hesitant to say anything she did what everyone else in the room wanted to do, she walked right up to our mermaid hooker and told her it was time to stop that dancing. I almost stood up and applauded.

Seeing as the floor show was over, Mr. Military and I got up and left the ball. But on the drive home I was struck by two things, one was that all these young men would give their life for this country. But on the flip side I also was stuck by the idea that all these young men, some 10 years younger than me, would also kill for this country. And at the end of an evening watching them interact with the people that they loved the most, that was a really sobering thought.

Semper Fidelis!

Don't forget...

Today was the funeral for one of my best friends while I was in high school… we’ve lost touch over the years. But sitting here this afternoon I can’t remember exactly why. Maybe it was distance. Maybe it was time. Maybe it was we’ve changed so much from the people that we once were. But until recently we kept up to date with each others life through myspace, as we are all seem to do with old friends… had tried to go to various Buck-O-Nine concerts over the years but just haven’t been able to make it happen. She died suddenly last week, complications due to diabetes that she didn’t even know that she had. She was only 30… and it got me to thinking about her and all the friends I have lost touch with. Some due to circumstances, some due to choice, and some sadly due to fate.

Monica and I had a tendency to get ourselves into trouble back in the days. The time she baked pot brownies for our Senior 6 to 6. Or all those Friday nights selling football programs for my father. Or maybe the best was the time we decided to put a spell on a boy to fall in love with me. I don’t remember the boy, though I do remember that it didn’t work! But that was Monica for you. Always ready to jump in and create a little mischief with me. All those years at Soma to see bands (any ska band that came to town could find us in front row skanking), days of switching clothing (we were the same size and both into our faux punk look), weekends spent at debate tournaments (yea we both were geeks) and at various play rehearsals… She really was there to shape my high school life and I sit here today devastated that I allowed so many years to go by… too many years. And yet too late to do anything about it.

Last year I lost someone who was one of my best friends and I said that I wouldn’t let years and distance come between friends again. But I once again have gotten lazy… I’ve lost touch with more friends this year. I often have a tendency to shrink into my head and not let anyone in. So learn from me. Tell those that you love that you love them. Pick up that phone and call the friend you haven’t talked to in days, months, years- it doesn’t matter. Send that facebook request to your bestie from the good old days… whatever it takes to make it happen. Because we all have lost too many people in our lives to stay complacent about it. To all my friends, I love you all. You mean more to me than most of you even know… and now I think it’s time to get out of my head, out of my past, and out of my emotions and get back to living life. I will see you all soon… and as for tonight, the first shots for Monica.

Handprints on the glass...

On my drive home from San Diego today I got to thinking about great sex… we’ve all had enough bad sex, and mediocre sex and just going-through-the-motions sex to really appreciate it when it gets GOOD… But it’s hard to pinpoint what it is that makes it good. I’ve had horrible sex with guys I’ve been in love with and fantastic sex with guys I haven’t. I’ve been with large, small, pierced, circumcised, uncircumcised… I’ve had the passionate sex and the crazy positions and the interesting locales… but sometimes it’s just great without a reason. Because great passion doesn’t always come from great love. Though great love does some times result in great passion… That passion though, often comes from some place else, the question is where?

It then got me to thinking about sexual ruts. Yea I know, I had way too much time on my hands during my drive home but we all get into a rut sometimes with our partners. We see them in and out most days, and sometimes the sex life becomes just as routine as the rest of our life… but if you don’t have a chance to get into a rhythm or a rut with someone, does that mean it will stay good. Or is it only good right now for me, because there isn’t a chance to get into a rut. Because I will admit it- I’ve been having some pretty fantastic sex lately. And although there is an attempt to make it a weekly “routine” so far there isn’t anything routine about it. It’s crazy, out of the box, passionate handprints on the glass door kind of sex... But as much as I love a good crazy night of sex, there also is a moment that I crave more than that, it’s the moment while I am sleeping. It’s the moment when someone reaches for me in the middle of the night, and just as they are snuggling close I can feel a kiss on the back of my shoulder. It’s the moment that I feel a tug at my heartstrings. Because it’s not done to get anything back. It’s not done to initiate sex. It’s done just because they just can’t keep their lips off of you. And it’s the moment that makes me keep coming back. Back to good sex. Back to bad sex. And back to sex that I know is bad for me. So for all the naysayer out there that this week have asked me, what the hell are you doing- it’s that moment. That is what I’m doing…

Postcards from the edge

Ok I guess its confession time. I was hoping to delay it. Partly because I know I will get flack from my girls for it and partly because he still reads my blogs, but here goes- I spent part of the week in San Diego with (gasp!) Mr. Green. Now it’s not what you are probably thinking. It wasn’t a last ditch effort to try and convince him to make us work. In fact over the last few weeks I realized that’s never going to happen. I’ve also realized that as much as I would like that, it’s probably not what I need in my life right now. I’ve finally gotten my life back on track and am thoroughly enjoying having my mojo back… including enjoyed having cute men send over bottles of champagne during nights out with my girls this week. But that’s an entirely different story, lets get back to the one with Mr. G and my road trip down south… For the first time since probably our first date I was able to just spend time with him and enjoy that time. There weren’t any worries of when will I see him again, or where is this going or the dreaded why don’t you want to be in a relationship talk. Instead there was just some food, some laughs and some great sex… yes I said it, we did have sex, sex in the living room, sex in the bedroom, sex on the kitchen table... I mean come on, you know I wasn’t going down there for DINNER! The only negative thing that came out of my trip was I realized just how much time this summer I wasted trying to figure out what was going on between us instead of just enjoying what we had. I spent way too much time pushing him away. Too much time trying to make him into the “boyfriend” and not enough time just enjoying who he was. And it seems that now that I can take out the expectations, what I am left with is someone who I enjoy spending time with, someone who I am able to have political discussions with, someone who enjoys eating as much as I do (yea I know that’s odd, but such a plus), someone who really doesn’t mind the extra weight on my middle but instead finds my insanely sexy just as I am, and most importantly someone whom I’m very sexually compatible with. Not to mention he did look very sexy leaving for work in a suit on Friday morning...

And it was nice to know that he missed me, and yes for once it was him telling me how much I was missed! And it was nice that for once he wanted me to stay longer instead of thinking of me as someone he had to entertain and a chore. In fact within 20 minutes of me being there he was trying to get me to call in sick the next day so we could spend more time together. And it was nice for once to get an invite down to San Diego, he has since suggested we make this more of a weekly arrangement. Something I could definitely get use to… but for now I’m just happy the way things are going in my life. And maybe there will be a new romance, I have drinks with Mr. USC next week, maybe there will be an old romance rekindled… but for now it’s nice to know that at this moment I really am just happy.

And on leaving Mr. G’s place Friday morning I went to get a glass of water from the fridge and had to smile at what was on it, the post card I had sent from Jamaica. Because as much as he had tried in these last few weeks to make me think he was happy to have me out of his life, I certainly wasn’t forgotten… and that also is nice to know.

My best of New York!

A friend called today asking for food suggestions while he was in New York… which got me to thinking about my favorite places that I use to haunt while I lived there. So I put together a list for him of the best of New York. Now you have to remember he is a straight guy in his mid 20's, from San Diego who spends more time smoking pot than in restaurants that demand a tie. In fact when I asked him what kind of food he was looking for his exact response was more like the burger and fry places… so here is the list of my best places for comfort food. Oh and deserts because every time I hang out with him the date will always end with Ice Cream!

Best Fries:
Pomes Frites
123 Second Avenue (St. Marks Place Area, East Village)
http://www.pommesfrites.ws/
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say one of the best fries in the WORLD not just in New York. You're only option is Regular, Large or Double Belgium Fries, but the real reason to go is for one of the almost 30 dipping sauces that you can choose from. My personal favorite was a mix of salsa and mayo and was to die for!!!

Best Burger:
Cozy Soup and Burger
739 Broadway (Washington Square Area, Village)
http://www.cozysoupnburger.com/
Now this burger (and burger joint) is by no means fancy or exotic. Here is the reason I love it- it's loosely packed ground beef so if you get the cheese burger the cheese melts all the way through the burger instead of being just on top. So it becomes a cheesy burger vs. a cheese burger. This also was a favorite of mine due to it's location in the Village and its closeness to both NYU and all the dorms- plus it stayed up all night!

Best BBQ:
Virgil's
152 W. 44th Street (Time Square Area)
http://www.virgilsbbq.com/
Now many people think that this place is too touristy, but one of the reasons I loved it is because I worked on Broadway and off-Broadway for many years and it was close to where I worked and had amazing food. Now I was never that into BBQ, but was obsessed with their Train Wreck Fries- Cheddar Cheese, Bacon, Scallions, Jalapeños and Ranch Dressing!

Best Hot Dog:
Grays Papaya
402 6th Ave. (Washington Square Area, West Village)
2090 Broadway (71st Street, Upper West Side)
Now I'm sure there are other amazing dogs out there in NY (and many will say nothing can come close to a Chicago Hot Dog) but Grays Papaya is an institution in New York, especially when you are a college student on a budget or drunk with the munchies in the wee hours of the morning.

Best Wings:
Firehouse
522 Columbus Ave. (Upper East Side)
http://firehousetavern.com/
Their Sexy Fries and Buffalo Wings are amazing…. Especially when you dip the fries in the buffalo sauce. Wings come in flavors of Mild, Medium, Hot, Inferno, Jerk, Bubba or BBQ. And wash it all down with an ice cold beer!

Best Bar:
Swifts
34 E. 14th Street (lower Village)
This Irish Pub is by far the most laid back one in the city… with sessions every Tuesday Night (at least they use to when I was in school). Now this one was my personal Cheers so that's why it made my list. But like Pizza places, every corner in New York has another cool bar. My personal favorites are more pub/dive less trendy 15 dollar cosmo places.

TIE Best Deserts:
Veniero's
342 E. 11th Street (East Village)
http://www.venierospastry.com/
Best Italian Bakery… Enough Said!

TIE Best Deserts:
Serendipity
225 E. 60th Street (Upper East Side)
http://www.serendipity3.com/main.htm
This is the corner ice cream shop that you have only dreamed about… World renounced for their Frozen Hot Chocolate. Usually there is a huge wait, but it is open until 3am and the wait does go down in the later hours, but it's worth every minute of it!

Best Pizza:
Joe's
7 Carmine Street
http://www.famousjoespizza.com/
This one is my personally favorite… but in New York you can't throw a stone without hitting a good pizza place. The key is that it's more like a Pizza Stand and less like a restaurant. You want thin crust and very greasy!