Handprints on the glass...

On my drive home from San Diego today I got to thinking about great sex… we’ve all had enough bad sex, and mediocre sex and just going-through-the-motions sex to really appreciate it when it gets GOOD… But it’s hard to pinpoint what it is that makes it good. I’ve had horrible sex with guys I’ve been in love with and fantastic sex with guys I haven’t. I’ve been with large, small, pierced, circumcised, uncircumcised… I’ve had the passionate sex and the crazy positions and the interesting locales… but sometimes it’s just great without a reason. Because great passion doesn’t always come from great love. Though great love does some times result in great passion… That passion though, often comes from some place else, the question is where?

It then got me to thinking about sexual ruts. Yea I know, I had way too much time on my hands during my drive home but we all get into a rut sometimes with our partners. We see them in and out most days, and sometimes the sex life becomes just as routine as the rest of our life… but if you don’t have a chance to get into a rhythm or a rut with someone, does that mean it will stay good. Or is it only good right now for me, because there isn’t a chance to get into a rut. Because I will admit it- I’ve been having some pretty fantastic sex lately. And although there is an attempt to make it a weekly “routine” so far there isn’t anything routine about it. It’s crazy, out of the box, passionate handprints on the glass door kind of sex... But as much as I love a good crazy night of sex, there also is a moment that I crave more than that, it’s the moment while I am sleeping. It’s the moment when someone reaches for me in the middle of the night, and just as they are snuggling close I can feel a kiss on the back of my shoulder. It’s the moment that I feel a tug at my heartstrings. Because it’s not done to get anything back. It’s not done to initiate sex. It’s done just because they just can’t keep their lips off of you. And it’s the moment that makes me keep coming back. Back to good sex. Back to bad sex. And back to sex that I know is bad for me. So for all the naysayer out there that this week have asked me, what the hell are you doing- it’s that moment. That is what I’m doing…

Postcards from the edge

Ok I guess its confession time. I was hoping to delay it. Partly because I know I will get flack from my girls for it and partly because he still reads my blogs, but here goes- I spent part of the week in San Diego with (gasp!) Mr. Green. Now it’s not what you are probably thinking. It wasn’t a last ditch effort to try and convince him to make us work. In fact over the last few weeks I realized that’s never going to happen. I’ve also realized that as much as I would like that, it’s probably not what I need in my life right now. I’ve finally gotten my life back on track and am thoroughly enjoying having my mojo back… including enjoyed having cute men send over bottles of champagne during nights out with my girls this week. But that’s an entirely different story, lets get back to the one with Mr. G and my road trip down south… For the first time since probably our first date I was able to just spend time with him and enjoy that time. There weren’t any worries of when will I see him again, or where is this going or the dreaded why don’t you want to be in a relationship talk. Instead there was just some food, some laughs and some great sex… yes I said it, we did have sex, sex in the living room, sex in the bedroom, sex on the kitchen table... I mean come on, you know I wasn’t going down there for DINNER! The only negative thing that came out of my trip was I realized just how much time this summer I wasted trying to figure out what was going on between us instead of just enjoying what we had. I spent way too much time pushing him away. Too much time trying to make him into the “boyfriend” and not enough time just enjoying who he was. And it seems that now that I can take out the expectations, what I am left with is someone who I enjoy spending time with, someone who I am able to have political discussions with, someone who enjoys eating as much as I do (yea I know that’s odd, but such a plus), someone who really doesn’t mind the extra weight on my middle but instead finds my insanely sexy just as I am, and most importantly someone whom I’m very sexually compatible with. Not to mention he did look very sexy leaving for work in a suit on Friday morning...

And it was nice to know that he missed me, and yes for once it was him telling me how much I was missed! And it was nice that for once he wanted me to stay longer instead of thinking of me as someone he had to entertain and a chore. In fact within 20 minutes of me being there he was trying to get me to call in sick the next day so we could spend more time together. And it was nice for once to get an invite down to San Diego, he has since suggested we make this more of a weekly arrangement. Something I could definitely get use to… but for now I’m just happy the way things are going in my life. And maybe there will be a new romance, I have drinks with Mr. USC next week, maybe there will be an old romance rekindled… but for now it’s nice to know that at this moment I really am just happy.

And on leaving Mr. G’s place Friday morning I went to get a glass of water from the fridge and had to smile at what was on it, the post card I had sent from Jamaica. Because as much as he had tried in these last few weeks to make me think he was happy to have me out of his life, I certainly wasn’t forgotten… and that also is nice to know.

My best of New York!

A friend called today asking for food suggestions while he was in New York… which got me to thinking about my favorite places that I use to haunt while I lived there. So I put together a list for him of the best of New York. Now you have to remember he is a straight guy in his mid 20's, from San Diego who spends more time smoking pot than in restaurants that demand a tie. In fact when I asked him what kind of food he was looking for his exact response was more like the burger and fry places… so here is the list of my best places for comfort food. Oh and deserts because every time I hang out with him the date will always end with Ice Cream!

Best Fries:
Pomes Frites
123 Second Avenue (St. Marks Place Area, East Village)
http://www.pommesfrites.ws/
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say one of the best fries in the WORLD not just in New York. You're only option is Regular, Large or Double Belgium Fries, but the real reason to go is for one of the almost 30 dipping sauces that you can choose from. My personal favorite was a mix of salsa and mayo and was to die for!!!

Best Burger:
Cozy Soup and Burger
739 Broadway (Washington Square Area, Village)
http://www.cozysoupnburger.com/
Now this burger (and burger joint) is by no means fancy or exotic. Here is the reason I love it- it's loosely packed ground beef so if you get the cheese burger the cheese melts all the way through the burger instead of being just on top. So it becomes a cheesy burger vs. a cheese burger. This also was a favorite of mine due to it's location in the Village and its closeness to both NYU and all the dorms- plus it stayed up all night!

Best BBQ:
Virgil's
152 W. 44th Street (Time Square Area)
http://www.virgilsbbq.com/
Now many people think that this place is too touristy, but one of the reasons I loved it is because I worked on Broadway and off-Broadway for many years and it was close to where I worked and had amazing food. Now I was never that into BBQ, but was obsessed with their Train Wreck Fries- Cheddar Cheese, Bacon, Scallions, Jalapeños and Ranch Dressing!

Best Hot Dog:
Grays Papaya
402 6th Ave. (Washington Square Area, West Village)
2090 Broadway (71st Street, Upper West Side)
Now I'm sure there are other amazing dogs out there in NY (and many will say nothing can come close to a Chicago Hot Dog) but Grays Papaya is an institution in New York, especially when you are a college student on a budget or drunk with the munchies in the wee hours of the morning.

Best Wings:
Firehouse
522 Columbus Ave. (Upper East Side)
http://firehousetavern.com/
Their Sexy Fries and Buffalo Wings are amazing…. Especially when you dip the fries in the buffalo sauce. Wings come in flavors of Mild, Medium, Hot, Inferno, Jerk, Bubba or BBQ. And wash it all down with an ice cold beer!

Best Bar:
Swifts
34 E. 14th Street (lower Village)
This Irish Pub is by far the most laid back one in the city… with sessions every Tuesday Night (at least they use to when I was in school). Now this one was my personal Cheers so that's why it made my list. But like Pizza places, every corner in New York has another cool bar. My personal favorites are more pub/dive less trendy 15 dollar cosmo places.

TIE Best Deserts:
Veniero's
342 E. 11th Street (East Village)
http://www.venierospastry.com/
Best Italian Bakery… Enough Said!

TIE Best Deserts:
Serendipity
225 E. 60th Street (Upper East Side)
http://www.serendipity3.com/main.htm
This is the corner ice cream shop that you have only dreamed about… World renounced for their Frozen Hot Chocolate. Usually there is a huge wait, but it is open until 3am and the wait does go down in the later hours, but it's worth every minute of it!

Best Pizza:
Joe's
7 Carmine Street
http://www.famousjoespizza.com/
This one is my personally favorite… but in New York you can't throw a stone without hitting a good pizza place. The key is that it's more like a Pizza Stand and less like a restaurant. You want thin crust and very greasy!

Dive or Bust... Days 7 and 8

Our last full day was packed with activity… after another early start I had an extremely long swim in the ocean along the shore. Though I did sort of underestimated the current and on the way back, I admit I did have a bit of the panic when I realized I was out in the middle of the ocean, with no one around me, no real shore to swim to and lot and lots of chances to get eaten by a shark… luckily I made it back to my finish without harm. But spent the rest of the morning sunning myself in the pool.

After lunch we headed out to Negril for a little shopping and Ricks. Ricks Café was my one must do on the island. It’s a huge bar that is known for their cliff diving. I was envisioning a very Traveling Pants type moment with all of us jumping off the cliff together. But by the time we got there everyone else seemed to manage to injure themselves and thought that a jump of the cliff was not in their best interest. But once again I trekked through and did the jump! Mind you I wasn’t able to do the very high one but did manage the lower and middle ones, and I have to say 30 feet was enough for me! A little disappointed in myself that I didn’t have the nerve to do the highest one, but knew I was probably pushing my luck if I tried that one. And going home in a cast was not what was on my to do list for this trip! But after doing my 3 jumps I was able to sit back, have a beer and listen to the reggae music while watching the sun set… and I have to say I was in heaven!!!

Now I’m just sitting outside on our last day (day 8!) and enjoying a little of the sun before we leave. I’m sad to be leaving what I can only describe as Paradise. I had an amazing time on this island! I’ve had lots of girl time but I’ve also had plenty of time to myself to kind of think and figure out things in my life. Lots and lots of revelations, some good…. Some not so good. And I think I might finally be brave enough to make a few changes in my life when I get back. I’m nervous, scared and excited at the same time. I’m started a new chapter in my life, and luckily I’m going to be able to start it with a nice tan!

XXOO,
Hardt

Pearls before swine… Jamaica Day 4

4 days in Paradise really have started to give me perspective on my life…. Maybe because it’s given me time to think, living without TV, phone, and bad internet connection will do that to you. Maybe because I’ve seen how much of my life I take for granted and how many things are really unnecessary… or maybe it’s because I was bitten by my prince charming- Literally since my horse named Prince bit me in the leg today. I realized many things on my journey so far, the first being I need to start to look at things more half full than half empty. Since breaking up with Mr. NakedBartender I’ve fallen into this depression of sorts about being “single and without kids”… but the fact of the matter is I have my entire life ahead of me. I realized this week how exciting it is to know that I have my best moments ahead of me. That moment when I meet the man I’m going to marry, the look my father will give me as he give me away on my wedding day, seeing my children for the first time, meeting my grandchildren… All those great moments, are ahead of me. It’s not depressing or sad not having had those yet, it’s exhilarating knowing that those are just around the corner or even just around a lifetime!

Except for my revelations, today has been pretty chill… I once again woke up around 5 to watch the sunset, had a cup of coffee and then decided to head back to bed until around 8. We were off at 10 to go Horseback riding on the Paradise Plantation. And I have to say there is something to be said for riding a horse through the beach looking up at the mountains of Jamaica. After our ride through the plantation we headed back to the house for what was the best Jerk Chicken Lunch I have ever experienced! Seriously trying to figure out how to sneak the chef back into the country in my suitcase!!!!

After lunch we tried to venture out into the water, but due to a crazy current, a high tide due to an incoming storm and a little accident that happened to Stitz (her second fall of the trip but at least her legs match on bruises and scrapes!) we decided to scratch the swim and instead just headed into our own pool, where multiple “fruity rum drinks” we brought to us on a silver tray… tonight will be another low key night of playing cards and listening to reggae because tomorrow will be another jam packed day- A trip down the Dune River, hiking up YS falls, and then a boat ride to Pelican Bar which is located 20 minutes off shore on a sand bar!

Despite all the fun… really missing everyone back home! So once again sending my love from the Islands… wish everyone was here with me today!

XXOO,
Hardt

PS Animal Count as of Day 4: A cow without a tail, a black hawk and these crazy crabs that were swarming the beach! Though the best part of the day, my horse was named Prince and he BIT me. I met a prince and only ended up with a bite mark...kind of telling, Right?!

Ya Mon… Jamaica Day 3

There is only one word I need to use to describe today- WOW! Started off my morning at 5 am by once again having coffee over looking the ocean. Another crazy storm had gone through over night but by five it was peaceful and calm, with a perfect breeze and not a cloud in the sky as the sun rose over the mountains. I have to say I love that when I get up there is coffee waiting for me and the table set for our 6am breakfast… There was an early start this morning since we were off zip lining in the Rainforest just outside of Ochos Rios, a nice two and a half hour drive from Bluefields. So after breakfast, we were packed into our van and we were off on our adventure. Once again during the journey I was overwhelmed by the traditions here in Jamaica. I watched all the school children in the freshly pressed and colorful uniforms heading off to school on the busses and all their parents waiting for those same buses to take them to work. There were men carrying bags of rice on the road, groups of guys heading into construction jobs on plenty of new resorts, and woman in uniforms heading to the ones that already existed.

Around 9:30 we finally reached Chauka for our zip lining tour, met our guides (Anthony, Junior and the oh so delectable Andrew) and hoped into this open backed safari van and headed up the mountain. Getting up there was interesting all in itself, straight up a mountain dirt road and we finally got to catch a glimpse of the locals smoking some ganja! Upon arrival at the top of the mountain I was harnessed a little tightly into my gear, making me wish I didn’t partake so much in the pork chops and mango run drinks the night before! But quickly we learned why so tight! The entire experience was mind-blowing… just clipped onto a rope hanging between trees and zipping down a mountain gave me a rush I’ve never experienced. Unfortunately I quickly earned the nickname “Brave One” from our tour guides, and let’s just say if it was possible to make me go down at lightening speed on some of the runs they did! Let me tell you the one that I went just straight down on I almost pee’d my pants because instead of using the break at the bottom on me they just let me drop… and FAST! It was an experience I will never forget, and one that has me so ready for my next adventure in heights- Sky Diving. Though that one will have to wait until I get back to the states, I’m adventuresome not stupid!

After hiking back towards basecamp we stopped, changed, and had a picnic lunch. Once again grateful for our chef, because instead of the Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches that you would expect, we had homemade banana nut bread and the most amazing breaded chicken that I have ever had! Though part of that might have been because I worked up an appetite and part of that might have been because our driver even gave it to us on china with real silverware! And the highlight of our packed lunch- the cooler they packed us with water, sodas, and BEER!

Once our tummies were full we were ready to adventure out again. This time to Dune River Falls were we thought we would do a little hiking around a waterfall. WRONG. Instead our guide took us on a hike straight up a 600 foot waterfall. We had to hold hands like school children and then climbed straight against the current through the water. It was exhilarating, amazing and frightening all at the same time!

After an exhausting day, I’m once again laying in bed listening to the waves and the jungle as my eyes are slowly starting to close… tomorrow will bring an exciting new adventure of Horseback Riding on the beach, a lie out by the pool and then a nice little kayak in the ocean… can’t wait to wake up to another day in Paradise!

Sending all my love from the Islands,
XXOO
Hardt

PS- Additional animals to add to my count: A donkey, lots of crazy bugs including the one who flew out of my towel at me at 5:00 this morning wanting to play, peacocks- including a white one that I didn’t know even existed and I kid you not- Sheep!

Club Paradise, Jamaican Style… Day 2

Day 2 was one of the most relaxing days of my life… it pretty much just involved lazing around, drinking rum drinks that were brought to me on a silver tray (by our favorite butler Aldean), catching up on my reading and emails, swimming in the pool and basically just staring at the clouds and waves.

I started off the morning being woken up by one of the most amazing sounds in the world- the sounds of waves crashing along the beach mixed with intense rain. It seems that the tail of Hurricane Ike had finally arrived on my small Island… I laid in bed for hours just listening to the sound of the wind and watching the lightning on the water- oh yes I can just open my doors and there is the ocean! There is something to be said for French doors that just open into Paradise. I’m about as far away from Los Angeles as possible! Luckily the bulk of the storm happened around 4am so by 7 I was sitting outside on the veranda with my coffee just staring at the turquoise water wondering how I’m ever going to be able to leave this place. One of the best things about this Villa is that there are no windows, at least glass ones that is. And upstairs is just a completely open house. There are some walls, a few doors leading to other rooms but the rooms just open up to outside. It reminds me of living in a tree house.

The rest of the day flew by in a haze of Planters Punch, sun and rain…Throughout the day the storm would start up again and we’d have to pack up all our gear and head inside, though really with the well trained staff it was more like they packed up our gear for us while we waited where it was dry! I have to say it’s one of the oddest things to have a “staff”… here at Bluefields there are about 10 people that rotate in and out throughout the day, all here just to make sure we have everything we need and that we don’t have to lift a finger for anything… and although it is something I could get use to, I don’t think I would like it day after day because the truth of the matter is you are never alone because there is someone constantly watching after you… and sometimes I just like to be alone. Luckily there is a private patio right off my bedroom where I was able to get a little private sun time (aka without my bikini top on) so I will be able to go back to the states minus tan lines, yay!

Though as amazing as it’s been to have nothing to do, I will admit I did start to go a little stir crazy by the end of the day… I did get to take an amazing walk along the footpath up and down the neighboring Villas and really watch the storm progress. And of course I took a million pictures of every little thing I saw and every small wave crashing on the beach. It was amazing to walk and not see anyone, no hear any noise except the waves, to just smell the amazing salt air and rain. I originally thought to go on a run, but it was just so breath taking I actually had to just stop and enjoy everything all around me. For the first time in a really long time, I was able to really just stop. And it felt amazing!

Since it was too stormy to go into town we didn’t even make it to the market today, much less snorkeling and cliff diving. So all that has been shifted to Friday and luckily tomorrow we are off at 6am to Zip Line through the rainforest and then off to what is supposed to be the Niagara Falls of Jamaica! I’m nervous, excited and scared all at the same time! Basically just having the time of my life and can’t wait to see what adventure tomorrow will bring. It has started to rain once again and I can feel my eyes getting sleepy...


So until tomorrow...
Sending my love from the Islands!
XXOO,
Hardt

PS Additional Animal Count today: My new friend the crab that followed me on my entire walk along the beach today, our 3 dogs that have now grown to 5 dogs (which all seem to like to sleep right outside my door), a really cool Pelican which spent most of its day right in front of the villa looking for food and of course the really loud frogs right outside my window that like to remind me that yes I am in a Jungle and not at home in LA!